Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

What's going on arond here these days...

2011-10-11T16:12:00.000Z

Will you marry me and It's a girl is what's going around here. Yes, in that order, and no, not both to the same people.
On 17th September 2011, Iain asked me to marry him. I said yes. We're getting married in 263 days. A long time to wait. But when you say "June", it doesn't sound quite so long to wait. It would be good if it was tomorrow though! That said, we're enjoying being engaged, and it only happens once so I'm determined to make the most of every moment!
Yesterday, 10th October 2011, I became an aunt when my sister-in-law gave birth to a little girl three weeks early. My niece is called Emilie and she has lots of brown hair. The birth was sickeningly easy and straightforward. Beki didn't actually realise she was in labour, and it was over and done with in 2 hours. Easy as pie!
So that's the news around here these days... no wonder I've not blogged much! Though I suppose I'd probably have quite a lot to say!

Why God Won't Go Away by Alistair McGrath

2011-08-20T15:17:00.000Z

A book review

Why God Won't Go Away is a short book by a world renown apologist, Alistair McGrath, on the subject of New Atheism. New Atheism is a movement that has predicted before that religion would be extinct by now, something which has clearly not happened. It is characterised by a hatred of religion; indeed, more than atheist, it is anti-theist. As well as hating religion, New Atheists seem to hate anyone who disagrees with them on this, saying that any belief in God is irrational, and using all sorts of unpleasant names to characterise believers of any faith. McGrath also points out the difference between atheists and New Atheists which I thought was insightful and helpful.
McGrath has an informed point of view as a biology professor at Oxford University who has read a great deal of books on the subject from both sides of the argument, himself gone from being an atheist to a Christian, debated with the Four Horsemen (Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins, Daniel Dennett and Christopher Hitchens) and been a regular reader of New Atheist online forums, which is where the majority of the debate and talk is going on.
Though I have heard a fair amount about the New Atheism before, I cannot say that I know all about it, nor about how it came to be what it is. I have only read a couple of other books on the subject of apologetics, and only one of those dealt with New Atheism. This book was an excellent introduction to its protagonists and to its (short) history. Through the pages of this short, very readable book, McGrath sought to enlighten those who perhaps think that Christianity is silent or has no valid, logical and rational answer to New Atheism's beliefs and claims. He does this in layman's terms, while most other books on the subject seem to be significantly more scholastic in their style. I particularly benefited from the first few pages introducing some of the main ideas of the New Atheism and the Four Horsemen, using their own work and debates that McGrath himself has had with these men. Though McGrath disagrees with them, the tone of the book is courteous and respectful throughout, and argues rationally with their beliefs.

*I was provided this book for free through the Thomas Nelson BookSneeze Program in exchange for my unbiased review.

A Plethora of adventures

2011-08-04T08:16:00.000Z

I have stories to tell and anecdotes to recount. But first, I must go and drink tea and eat cupcakes at JoJo's Danish Bakery.

My favourite person in the world.

2011-07-28T23:14:00.000Z


That's him, and I get to sit (or stand in this case) next to him. :)

Ah, C.S.Lewis.

2011-07-20T09:27:00.002Z

'When I first became a Christian, about fourteen years ago, I thought that I could do it on my own, by retiring to my rooms and reading theology, and wouldn’t go to the churches and Gospel Halls; I disliked very much their hymns which I considered to be fifth-rate poems set to sixth-rate music. But as I went on I saw the merit of it. I came up against different people of quite different outlooks and different education, and then gradually my conceit just began peeling off. I realized that the hymns (which were just sixth-rate music) were, nevertheless, being sung with devotion and benefit by an old saint in elastic-side boots in the opposite pew, and then you realize that you aren’t fit to clean those boots. It gets you out of your solitary conceit.'
- C.S. Lewis on going to church. What a legend.

Let's Get Real by Dale & Jena Forehand

2011-07-12T15:49:00.000Z

A book review.

Dale and Jena got married, divorced and remarried one another. This is a book directed at married people. I am not married. And yet I found it hugely helpful and challenging. And emotional. Both in the happy, excited sense, and in the "stop-reading-now-before-you-burst-into-tears-on-the-bus" sense. It is easy to read, with many examples from their own experience which they honestly and humbly give, and practical questions with space to answer for yourself. They give advice that is Biblical and gentle, without sugar coating.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is ready to let God use their relationships to sanctify them. There is a lot of thought provoking material and practical application to be had in this book and I know that God will use it for His glory and your benefit. Obviously, this is primarily directed at your marriage relationship and some of the points are not altogether appropriate or applicable to any relationship other than that between a husband and wife. However, authentic forgiveness, humility, conflict resolution and accountability all have a place in other relationships, and this book helps make positive changes towards these things.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from NavPress Publishers as part of their Blogger Review Program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commision's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

The Waiting Place by Eileen Button

2011-07-12T15:10:00.000Z

A book review.

Eileen Button is a pastor's wife, often to her dismay, and a mother of three, as well as an author, columnist and professor. Each of these aspects of her life as well as others shine through the pages of The Waiting Place. This book has an interesting format and concept - it is autobiographical, and each chapter tells of a time in the author's life when she was made to wait. Some of these times are significant and will have undoubtedly shaped her, such as her child's serious illness when he was born. Other times of waiting she tells of are unbelievably mundane, such as waiting for her friend to decide what to order at Panera. Each waiting place however has taught the author something, though it is at times left unsaid.
This book at times brought me to tears as Button told the stories with such honesty and the situations were ones of despair and an uncertain ending. Other times I felt it was over dramatic and wanted to tell her to "dry her eyes and just get on with it" or "man up", though this would probably be harsh of me. She has found a topic common to all though, and overall I did enjoy reading it. It is an easy and pleasant read, and a good book in its genre. We all have to wait for things, for things to get better, for things to stop, for things to change. The Waiting Place provides insight into the life of a woman who, like it or not, has many waiting places and is provided with the opportunity to grow in them or moan about them. And we readers are invited and reminded to do the same.

*I was provided this book for free through the Thomas Nelson BookSneeze Program in exchange for my unbiased review.

[this moment]

2011-06-28T17:41:00.006Z

Many a lovely moment this past week, since Iain came home from 3 weeks walking around the North West of Scotland 3 days early. Indian takeaway, dvds, pancakes, opening of 21st birthday presents (woooooo!), cooking for more than one person, cups of tea, flat decorating...

Jamie Oliver fluffy pancakes with strawberries, bananas and maple syrup.

When God answers

2011-06-28T17:27:00.000Z

I was praying this morning, and told God quite frankly that I had no desire to pray. I don't know why, there's not been anything specific that has happened or not happened to make me feel this way, but I just didn't want to pray. But I did, and He got me up a bit earlier so I had longer to pray this morning than I often do. And I prayed, and it was good. I like it when obedience brings answered prayer. This afternoon, I was lying on my bed and just thought I really needed something to be challenged on and to have God work on specifically and have a topic to study in depth. I've been feeling a bit down and getting angry and frustrated easily again the past few days. So I decided to go to a couple of Christian websites to be inspired and fill my mind with good and God things. And there it was. The Boundless Summer Challenge, fresh out and ready to focus my mind on things from above. This year, the Summer Challenge is based on 2 Corinthians 5:14-20 which says,

For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.

The topic is reconciliation in relationships. I found last year that some of the challenges were too American to be exported and some required elements were not available in the UK. Or they were too cheesy and just would not be overly appropriate in the culture here, but I did a few of the challenges and benefited I'm sure. I just thought it was kind of cool how God answered that thought (it wasn't even a prayer!) and feel it is something I should try to adhere to this summer, working on learning that passage off by heart and applying it in different ways through the challenges set each week. So here goes. :)

Streams of consciousness

2011-06-18T09:56:00.000Z

9 days left in my little primary class. Well... 10 days left, but one of them I'm taking off for the NIXON WEDDING! I don't think I've ever been this excited for a wedding. I could hardly contain it when I was speaking to Kirsty on Sunday - I though I was going to burst with excitement and tears all in one. I had to calm down though because we were in the church entrance and I may have caused a bit of panic had I actually exploded. One exciting thing (though not nearly as exciting as the wedding itself) is that I plan to wear my one and only pair of heels for the second time. Risk of disaster: medium.

I asked for a book to review from NavPress, went for that one because it seemed the most interesting of all those offered (a limited selection of new books are offered for blog review). Only thing is this one's for married couples, making your marriage authentic or something like that. Well it turns out, it's a really good book and one that I am benefiting from as a single. I'll review it soon, I'm getting through it at some fast rate (by my standards anyway!!)

I have been in contact with one of my aunts who I don't think I've seen since my grandma's funeral 12 years ago. She makes amazing amazing cakes. And she's a granny herself - one of my cousins has a kid?! crazy that we're old enough. I suppose we're old enough; my brother's having a kid. Bit scary this whole life thing. Crazy exciting though.

[this moment]

2011-06-03T20:48:00.000Z

It's been a while! This week I could choose many a moment to share and remember, it has been a few days rich in fun and new experiences. I could choose photos of some favourite parts of Iain and my walks around London last weekend, our trip to the Hummingbird Bakery with Olivia, a delicious Vietnamese lunch, again with Olivia, or a snap or two of the fabulous sunset we witnessed on our way back up to Edinburgh. There were also many a moment that I did not capture, like a very welcome meal in Nando's upon arrival in London, our visit to All Souls church or a 7 course meal in Khublai Khan back in Edinburgh, a Mongolian restaurant where we celebrated Alasdair's 21st birthday on Monday. Amongst others, Zebra, Camel and Baby Octopus were on the menu. YUM! I think it's safe to say that the past few days have been delicious and now it's back to eating healthily and cheaply!! But... with all those fantastic experiences and memories, I am still very excited and happy to introduce you all to Mr and Mrs Barrington, the very reasons we went to London in the first place. Congratulations guys, you looked fantastic, and we all had such fun celebrating with you.

Jason And Noemi Barrington

Relax and Play the Piano

2011-05-17T22:27:00.002Z

You're Beautiful

2011-05-14T22:45:00.000Z

What is it with women wanting to be beautiful? Why is it something I worry about and desire so much - that people would think I'm beautiful... and then I compare myself. I used to fight against doing this - I have become lax in my fighting and have given in more to thinking "I wish I had her hair" or "I'm sure I'd look much uglier that her in that t-shirt" or "If only I could lose a few more kg, I'd feel so different and pretty and be worth so much more" I don't actually think that last one in those exact words, but in the end, that is the jist of my thoughts - if I take them to their logical end, that is the intent behind my thoughts.

"Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewellery, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious."
- 1 Peter 3:3-4

Lord, may the beauty I seek and work towards and put effort into be this kind of beauty - the lasting kind, the kind that matters.

The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

I'm praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

-Beautiful, MercyMe.

[this moment]

2011-05-07T18:50:00.000Z

A single image capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

Little Garra Rufa fish working away.

Slave by John MacArthur

2011-05-06T19:03:00.001Z

A book review.

I just finished reading this book, which deals with a relationship that is often under-emphasised or misunderstood: the one between believers as slaves and Christ as our master. John MacArthur suggests that this truth has been covered up by our English Bibles, using words such as 'servant' instead of 'slave' and wrote the book to explain the real meaning of slave and what our role is as such. Belonging to Christ in this way is a biblical command, and an important facet of our relationship with God. MacArthur explains this biblically and clearly and reminds us that being the slave of a perfect master is in fact totally freeing.
This was not a new concept to me, the word doulos has been explained to me before, but MacArthur has some refreshing reminders and some encouraging and very challenging examples scattered about this book. It is very easy to read and quite short, but made me think about just how seriously I (don't) take obeying God. It was also hugely helpful to be reminded of my position as a slave, in that my owner who gives me my name imposes my very identity. I have been bought with a price from the sin I was enslaved to. Because slavery has been abolished in this country for a number of years now, all the truths that were conveyed by such a term are lost on this generation. Though a little repetitive at first, the book then develops and expands well on many areas of the relationship we have with God, our Lord (this name alone clearly acknowledges His as sole master and owner). I would recommend this book - it puts you back in your place, reminding you that though you are God's child (and thus extremely precious and unique) you are also His slave (and thus completely expected to do just as He asks without expectations or desire for reward).

*I was provided this book for free through the Thomas Nelson BookSneeze Program in exchange for my unbiased review.

Giving Challenge

2011-05-03T20:41:00.001Z

“I do not believe one can settle on how much we ought to give. I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. In other words, if our expenditure on comforts, luxuries, amusements, etc., is up to the standard common among those with the same income as our own, we are probably giving away too little. If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us, I should say they are too small. There ought to be things we should like to do and cannot do because our charitable expenditure excludes them.” - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Oh, how pinteresting!

2011-04-30T10:10:00.001Z

Pinterest. One of my favourite websites. I can keep all my ideas and inspirations in one places, organised on different boards. Perfect. Much more pleasing to the eye than piles of paper, lists or bookmarks.

Here are a few of my boards, all categorized...


And when you open one of them, you get all the pins.

You can look at other people's pins, creations and ideas they've uploaded to their boards, and you can upload your own or pin things you find on other websites to add to a board, keeping all the things you like or find interesting in one huge collection. Well... mine's huge anyway! And the source is automatically added, so you can go back to the page and look up the recipe for that amazing looking bread for example, or find the tutorial for that gorgeous looking dress (not that I can sew...)

[this moment]

2011-04-29T10:07:00.000Z

A single image capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

The moment Jenny saw she had a chocolate fountain at her hen party!

This advert

2011-04-27T15:26:00.000Z

Makes me happy...

I'm so glad

2011-04-25T14:45:00.000Z

I'm so thankful that He sees the depths of my heart and yet He loves me all the same. I'm thankful and in awe that He knows just how sinful I am, He knows the extent of my sin better than I do, and yet, He couldn't possibly love me any less. I cannot fathom it, nor comprehend it. I am humbled and at a loss for words.

When I found Jesus by Steph MacLeod

My Easter Holiday

2011-04-24T21:18:00.000Z

In a nutshell, this Easter, I have...

Visited Paris, seen my family, stayed with Jeanne, visited Belfast, been on three planes, caught up with Victoria and met her family, decided that I prefer easyjet to ryanair, completely organised, tidied, cleaned and de-cluttered my room, done the same to the kitchen, cycled a fair way, walked over 80 miles, been to a hen party, witnessed Passion for Life events, read Joshua, Judges and Ruth, finished Surprised by Joy by C.S. Lewis and Give Me This Mountain by Helen Roseveare, caught up on lack of sleep, enjoyed some half hour walks round the block, grocery shopping trips, tea breaks (you take what you can get when revision sets in! And I have to say, I've been given a lot more than I hoped for or expected. Atta boy!) and laughs with Iain, discovered how a simple phrase can be badly misinterpreted and cause a lot of confusion, saw Christine before she set off for Brussels, and found out how peanut butter is made...

What are YOU going to have on your toast tomorrow?

All in all, a lovely and productive holiday.

[this moment]

2011-04-15T10:48:00.001Z

A single image capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

My whole family having lunch in Montmartre, Paris.

Prayer Warrior

2011-04-08T21:11:00.000Z

"Anyone can pray in a crisis. Show me someone who will earnestly pray without a crisis and I will show you someone who's ready when one comes." - Bill Johnson

Some adventures

2011-04-08T18:05:00.000Z

Next week, I'm going on an adventure, one I didn't think I would ever go on again. I'm flying Ryanair, an adventure in itself, and and I'm flying to Beauvais. To eventually get to Paris. Even that last bit I didn't think I'd say. Perhaps to visit the brother, but not just for kicks. And yet, that is exactly why I'm going. Because I want to. And I'm excited about it. I have plans to see a few people, but also have a couple of days of free time which I'm really looking forward to. I'm going to walk around the nice bits of Paris, bits I haven't ever seen but want to, bits I used to love and sometimes miss and bits I have heard about since moving away from Paris and want to check out. I'm also going to stay with my friend Jeanne which I'm really happy about, and bonus, the rest of my family will be visiting at the same time, though they will be staying with the brother. I'll be meeting up with them all as well as some old classmates. An unexpected add-on is a short trip to Belfast on the way home. All the flights back to the UK were upward of £120, not just to Edinburgh, but anywhere. Except the one to Belfast, which was £30. Perfect. So I'm going to Northern Ireland for 24 hours on my way home and will be staying with my friend Victoria who I haven't seen in a good couple of years, and who recently got engaged... I'm excited to hear the whole story, see her again and have some leisure time in Belfast too.

Other adventures are slightly more ordinary. And less set in stone. Usually located in or around Edinburgh. There are plans to go up Blackford hill and light some Chinese lanterns (a birthday present) and take a trip on the Firth of Forth, stopping for a while on an island and observing local wildlife (also a birthday present). A fair few lunches in the Meadows' green grass with blue skies overhead look likely as my first picnic of the year took place today. A hen party or two, a visit to London with Wedding Celebrations and a visit to the Hummingbird Bakery included, and some train trips to Newcastle over the summer are also in the works. Oh and I'm getting a lovely flatmate for 2 months over the summer too. All these plans will form more as time goes on. But I'm excited already.

[this moment]

2011-04-08T17:24:00.000Z

A single image capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

Last Saturday, Iain took the whole day off revision and we went for a walk.
Or two actually. Because it was looking like rain, we stayed in the city.
We headed north in the morning, and south in the afternoon.
With a pause for lunch in between. Peri peri chicken. Yum!

oen, two, three...

2011-03-18T21:59:00.000Z

[this moment]

2011-03-18T21:44:00.001Z

A single image capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

On Sunday I had a lovely brunch. The kind I had planned in my head many a time. And having had it, I want to make it somewhat of a tradition/routine. I made Jamie Oliver pancakes with blueberries, strawberries, maple flavoured golden syrup (pretty much as good as maple syrup!) and bacon. Iain came round, we ate and chatted and then went to church. It was so good. One day we'll do this often in a less slanted/bigger kitchen. And I'll take more and better pictures of the whole experience. It will be perfect.

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/other-recipes/pancakes-usa-stylie

Daring

2011-03-18T20:42:00.000Z

I've decided I'm going to cut my fringe back in. Tonight. Because this

looks so much better than this

I'm aware that it's not really a fair comparison, but hey. That's just the way life goes.
;)

[this moment]

2011-03-11T17:39:00.000Z

A single image capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

Yummy breakfast. :)

Some wise words

2011-03-11T17:22:00.000Z

I have been thinking something recently, and been frustrated when people don't do it. And when I don't do it. Tim Keller has (of course) put it into words much better than I ever could. And he said it from the pulpit - didn't even have to sit and ponder how to string these words and express a sentiment well.
He said this:
"When you volunteer here at [insert name of your church here], why not, instead of working the volunteering around your travel plans, why not work your travel plans around your volunteering duties? When you give a pledge or give money, instead of just giving what you're not going to miss anyway, why not be so generous that it actually changes the way you live? Why not take the jobs around church that get no applause? Why not get taken out of yourself and what's important to you, because of the glory of God?'

[this moment]

2011-02-19T14:12:00.000Z

A day late, but yesterday was busy!

A single image capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

Wee Rosie waking up from her afternoon nap.

Questions.

2011-02-11T14:34:00.000Z

‘My grace is sufficient for you.’ [...] Out of his fullness, I shall receive, and grace for grace. [...] My needs are many, but my supplies are infinite. Though millions of weak, tempted, persecuted, dying believers, have been invigorated in every age by this living water, yet its streams are undiminished; it still remains as it ever was — Grace Sufficient! Sufficient to relieve the needy, to strengthen the weak, to pardon the guilty, to sanctify the unholy, to support the disconsolate, to comfort and save all, however vile and worthless; who sincerely, fervently, and perseveringly seek for it, through faith in Christ.
- Thomas Reade

If I'm living dependent on Him, can I not then do all He's given me to do? If Christ's love for me then overflows in me and onto other people as and when I interact with them, as it should, is the love poured out not limitless? Does the fact that I'm human mean I need to consider myself, and stop or slow down when I feel utterly spent, weak and overwhelmed? Is worrying about Index making it worse? (Probably.) Am I trying to be God?

It seems, no matter how much I pray for strength for the day, for God's love and grace to be shown in my life that I fail. I feel completely drained by the least human interaction with someone who is a little more demanding than the norm and retreat. Spending 7 hours of my day with 6 needy, demanding, whiny children seems to be taking its toll slowly but surely. I could do that, recharge my batteries in the evening ready for the next day, except I don't want that to be my life. So I meet up with people, I plan and organise things, and I live. But more and more, I'm failing at being like Christ to both these things. Am I doing too much? Am I putting myself under too much pressure, too many demands and spreading my emotions and energy too thin?

I wish I knew the right, godly, wise thing to do here.

[this moment]

2011-02-11T13:42:00.000Z

A single image capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

An afternoon well spent at Butterfly & Insect World.

Healing

2011-02-04T18:13:00.000Z

I absolutely and undeniably believe that God can heal. No doubt about it. In Biblical times and now too. I also believe that there are things that come with an illness or a dark time that are of far more worth and value than health. Things like moving from knowing the Word to knowing the God of the Word. Things like waiting on the Lord - how often do we really do this when all is well and life is "as it should be" (in our eyes at least)? Rarely is my guess. Don't just wait, wait on the the Lord. God sometimes brings you to a place where you are uncomfortable - the aim is not to become comfortable again, and as soon as possible please, neither is our focus to be one of self-pity or despair. Our focus is to be on the Lord, and on His bigger picture. Sometimes, God glorifies himself by healing. Sometimes God glorifies himself by working in our lives through sickness. Sometimes God has to bring you to a place where you will get a contrite heart and your heart will break over your sin.

PS. God doesn't show us everything. You never know how he's working in your dark time.

(A few thoughts from Wayne's talks at the Index Weekend Away)

[this moment]

2011-02-04T17:58:00.001Z

A single image capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

Prayer Walk last Saturday am - gathering around the lake.

A few things I like...

2011-02-04T17:53:00.000Z

I like receiving amazingly fun and thoughtful packages in the mail.
I like that I never have to think about taking Iain's hand, because he always takes mine first.
I like Terry's Chocolate Orange. (Did you know a Terry's chocolate orange has 20 segments? Fact.)
I like browsing around second hand bookshops and charity shops.
I like cute notebooks. Especially when they're from Poundland - cheap and cute, what could be better?
I like taking photos of beautiful things.
I like finding a gem of a blog.
I like good quality conversation with the Girls Core Team.

Scrap that. I don't like these things, I love them. Love, love, love.

A few adventures later...

2011-01-10T19:53:00.000Z

I'm back! What a lovely break that was. Break from the mundane and the usual. Visiting new places. Seeing people again. Just lovely.

A trip to Glasgow the week before Christmas to visit and shop with Iain.

With hats and Christmas lights for festive emphasis.

Mouche at church on Christmas eve.

Mouche looking very geeky with one of his presents on Christmas day.

Pouncing lessons.

The family took a trip to Wales with some friends. This was our lounge/dining room/kitchen. With log fire.

A vast amount of birds that flew overhead on a walk in Wales.

The North Coast of Northern Ireland.

W5, a hands-on science museum in Belfast.

The Peace Wall in Belfast, as seen from the top of a tour bus!

Sunset over the rooftops.

Victoria Square at night.

Glenarriff.

Getting coffee instead of walking in the cold.

The Hamills.

Frozen lake on a golf course in Ballymena.

A wee catch up.

2010-12-15T20:16:00.000Z

Look at this!! What a great idea and a cool gift to receive. I might take this up.

A wee update on the facebook fast, it's going well. In fact, I've not missed it one bit. I have the sneaky suspicion I will miss it when the Index Weekend Away has come and gone and everyone's pictures are up. So I've been concocting a longer term plan for after my 2 week trial is up.

I found a good quote. One to write down. Iain and I are going through a study of Romans (it's taking us ages) but we got a question on the More than conquerors verse. It was getting late and we'd been answering tough questions and discussing intense issues for about an hour and a half, which was probably part of the issue, but I just couldn't understand what the difference between more than conquerors and just conquerors was. So Iain sent me this sermon by Charles Spurgeon to help explain. Now, in the light of day, I think I've grasped the concept, though I suspect not to its full extent since it doesn't feel that amazing to me. Anyway, about that quote. It's this:

"Persecution in all its forms has fallen upon the Christian Church and up to this moment it has never achieved a triumph, but rather it has been an essential benefit to the church for it cleared her of hypocrisy."

I like it.

I've finally been getting some of my IBS work done tonight. I'll finish the course one day. My plan is still to graduate on time in September... Better get to work, since I'm still only on May's homework! It was encouraging and refreshing to be going over the Doctrine of Christ tonight though! :)

[this moment]

2010-12-10T22:03:00.002Z

A single image capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

An afternoon sledging around Arthur's Seat. A gorgeous sunset.

A bit of a life-changing quote

2010-12-06T16:53:00.000Z

John Piper said this:
"One of the great uses of Twitter and Facebook will be to prove at the Last Day that prayerlessness was not from lack of time."

I read it the other day, and it got me thinking. It challenged me.
These days I'm having a lot of down days. I'm finding life tough, for no external or apparent reason. This is causing strain on me, but also on those close to me. Something that is sure to help is prayer. I'm not praying enough. Not for lack of time, but for wasted time. And wasting time itself makes me feel groggy and down. And what is the point of facebook? I mean really? Even just reading people's statuses makes me feel annoyed and irritated. Especially the ones that are complaining about this that or the other, but worse are the ones complaining in a disguised way. So I quit it. For two weeks to start off with, but I kind of really want to quit it for good. It's an intense desire that has come on quite suddenly. One of which I'm a bit scared of but also relieved to be feeling. The only reason I'd really want to keep it is for other people's photos. If I could just have that without all the other faff and rubbish, I'd do that, in a heartbeat. I'm now just considering how much I value and want the photos if the rest does indeed have to come with it. But for now, for the next two weeks, Iain has changed my password, and I therefore cannot access facebook. And so far, it's good! Really good. I just need to make a point of substituting facebook time with prayer time and good book reading time.

A few thoughts on purity

2010-12-06T16:19:00.001Z

I recently read a book by Randy Alcorn called the Purity Principle.
The principle he talks of is basically this: purity is always smart; impurity is always stupid.

He continues with life changing argument after life changing argument and poignant story after poignant story. I have read a few books on the subject, but none like this. It is amazing. He lays it out as it is. Doesn't sugar coat a thing, but doesn't exaggerate either. Here are few quotes that made it into my journal - it's got to be a pretty good quote to make it there!

It's always easier to avoid temptation than to resist it.

Arsenic has a cumulative effect. It kills you, but not all at once. Large quantities aren't necessary. A little here, a little there, and finally... you're dead. Sexual immorality is a killer of Christian lives and marriages. We poison ourselves daily, a little at a time. This novel that TV show, this movie, that magazine, this calendar, that glance, this flirtatious comment, that quiet assent to a dirty story. This arsenic of the soul poisons us gradually, so we don't feel much different than yesterday, but we've become very different than we were 5 years ago.

Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny.

Sexual sin blocks fellowship with God. (obvious one, but good to remember)

I can never get away with sexual immorality. God wants me to remember that for my sake.

We need foresight to see where today's choices will leave us tomorrow. Sexual temptation is like a fish hook at the end of a line. It will pierce my tongue and rip my flesh. I'll be caught and reeled in. But the lure is so beautiful! Of course it is - how else would our enemy hook and destroy us?

Purity is safe. Impurity is risky. Purity always helps us. Impurity always hurts us. Purity is always smart. Impurity is always stupid. I hope this is as good a reminder to you as it was and still is to me.

[this moment]

2010-12-03T17:44:00.000Z

A single image capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

Feeling ill. Waking from a Sunday afternoon nap to find a sweet note.

And snow is begins... Snow time

2010-11-27T13:13:00.000Z

The first snow of the season, as seen on my velux window.

The snowing continued, and soon the window was almost covered.

I dared open the window, just for the sake of a photo.

Sleep, sleep, sleep, wake up and this is the view. Waaaaaaaaah!!

Snow covered wall.

Sick kids hospital "a la olden days" (Not sure where the border came from...)


Through the velux window again.

Exciting times! I love snow. Everything looks pure. Which reminds me. I have a post to write about purity.

10 Things I like

2010-11-16T22:11:00.000Z

1. Candles. Nice smelling ones.
2. Photos. Both looking through people's photos and taking my own. I would love to make something similar to this. But with my own photos. Obviously.
3. Baking. And I would love to make these and this.
4. Reading. I'm currently reading Trusting God with the girls core team and Charismatic Chaos by myself. I'm honestly struggling through that one. I need to find something that takes less thinking so that I don't have to stop every few pages and try to decipher if I agree or not and what I actually believe.
5. Travelling. And I love receiving the Lonely Planet magazine every month.
6. My friends. I love spending time with them and chatting for hours, laughing at all the silly things that happen to us in life and discussing profound truths and the lies we believe.
7. Iain. He counts in friends, but he's my best friend so he gets a special mention. God has blessed me with thrill and adventure.
8. Music. Just now, Allie Moss and Downhere particularly. When I say just now, I mean tonight.
9. Tea. A regular Tetley teabag kind of cup, Chai Lattes especially around Christmas, and London Fogs. YUM!!!
10. Seasons. I love each of them, all for different reasons.

What if...

2010-10-29T20:36:00.000Z

It is a risk to love.

What if it doesn't work out?

Ah, but what if it does.

- Peter McWilliams

I love...

2010-10-27T19:12:00.000Z

I love the families in Carrubbers willing to have our indexers round for lunch, willing to accommodate and so hospitable and serving. With only a couple of weeks in the bulletin and an announcement from the front, we have had 10 families eagerly sign up to take some young folks to their homes on Sunday for some nosh and chat.

I love seeing progress in my piano playing (already) and even though it is going to be a slow and long process, it is a fun and worthwhile one.

I love last minute reunions. This weekend, I had a blast seeing old friends Jenni and Robbie and meeting their wee family and all of Jenni's siblings and their families.

I love last minute family visits. Yesterday, dad and Joe and Ben came up for the afternoon and left this morning. It was good to have them up and to provide them with a place to stay.

I love having a renewed desire to pray, pray, pray.

this week, i have...

2010-10-22T16:12:00.004Z

... been on half term break.

... made london fog.

... swam 2km.

... seen spamalot at the playhouse.

... roasted a pork shoulder.

... spent time with Jeanne in Beanscene.

... spent time with Iain in Beanscene.

... had breakfast with Nadia in Montpelliers.

... spent time with Sarah in Beanscene.

... purchased books to learn to do new things.

... taken a few photos.

... organised a trip to Glasgow to see some old friends from Paris on Sunday.

... booked trains home for Christmas.

... snuggled warm in my new body warmer.

... baked lemon cupcakes and chocolate and hazelnut cupcakes, both from the hummingbird cookbook.

... sent parcels and cards to friends.

... slept in.

... admired my flowers.

... amongst all the other more ordinary moments in life.

... and i've finally updated this blog!
with the hope and plan that this will be a more regular feature in my life.

[eye] candy

2010-10-18T17:24:00.000Z

Chai Latte at Coffee Angel.

Green Vanilla Cupcake with green butter cream icing and chocolate sprinkles.

Chai Latte in Kilimanjaro.

A batch of decorated cupcakes. Satisfaction!!

Chocolate cupcake with pink icing and chocolate stars and 100s & 1000s.

Vanilla Cupcakes with green icing and a variety of decorations!

A few photos

2010-02-18T09:25:00.004Z

So this exciting new year of 2010... well, so far, it has been just that! And full of joy. The Index weekend away was a major highlight. It was a fantastic weekend, a challenge in many ways, stretching and though provoking in more than one way. But absolutely brilliant. This is a picture of most of the group. A few folk hadn't quite made it outside yet. A good bunch of top notch young people there though!! Another highlight was crossing off something on my "Bucket list" (list of things to do before I kick the bucket - walk on a frozen body of water. In this case, it was a lake. The night before, we had walked over to it and thrown massive rocks onto it, which just bounced and stayed above the ice. Though the ice was melting under the jetty, it was a good few inches thick were it hadn't yet melted. So I went for it. I got told off for it afterwards because I went out by myself, but it was well worth it! I'm a fan of sunrise walks, especially when they involve a few other people, stunning scenery and a gorgeous sunrise. And prayer and worship at the top of the hill overlooking amazing countryside. Just wonderful. And starry nights. I have seen a fair few of these of late. They are always a reminder to me of God's amazing power, yet his deep love for me. " Come see his hands and his feet The scars that speak of sacrifice Hands that flung stars into space To cruel nails surrendered This is our God, the Servant King He calls us now to follow him To bring our lives as daily offering Of worship to the Servant King " " Your arms are the arms that Hung shining stars in deepest space Your arms are the arms that Surround me in a warm embrace " This next picture represents all the amazing times with my friend Jeanne. It's such a strange friendship. She was in my class the first couple of years of primary school. She's a year younger than me, but our school had two classes in one for a few years. I knew her some then, but only really knew of her, because I knew she too was a Christian. She may have come to a birthday party of two of mine too. But after that, I never really stayed in contact with her. She arrived in Edinburgh in September or October of last year. And so we met up for coffee. And without knowing that much about one another, started talking about the most unexpected of topics, relationships and singleness. And really candidly and openly. At that time, we were both single. And she said something like "Just wait and see, this time next year, we'll both have met amazing guys and be taken." Something along those lines. Turns out, she was pretty spot on. Since that coffee in Beanscene, we've met up regularly to go on walks and take photos, to make french food, to chill and chat together, to seek wisdom from one another and it's generally just been fantastic to have her in town. She's preparing to go back to France and then to Nepal around the summer time, which is most exciting for her, and I will sorely miss her company! These are just pictures to show my thankfulness for many things. Comfort and warmth amidst snow storms raging outside. I am thankful for the snow itself though. I love the snow. I also love the lovely cosy, warm house I live in and my slipper socks that keep my feet toasty. And David and Kirsty got engaged. Which is a most joyful and exciting thing indeed. I don't know Kirsty all that well, but I've known David for just over 3 years (I think... he is better with time and remembering these sorts of things than I am) and I feel like I have always known him. I don't remember life not knowing David Nixon. And I have seen him grow, mature and change. And it is very exciting for me that he has found the woman he wants to love and call Mrs Nixon for the rest of his life. Congratulations guys, you're great and a fantastic example of what it means to "glorify God and edify each other".

The Exciting New Year of 2010.

2010-01-04T18:58:00.002Z

My room is filled with words. I mean, there are words on my door, words on the walls, words in diaries and journals, words all over papers scattered on my desk. Words in the books on my bookshelf, words in my open Bible. Scanning swiftly around me, this is what I read: "In your heart you plan your course but the Lord determines your steps. Proverbs 16:9" "Perseverance in scripture Finish well It's about the last day" "For all things are possible with God. Luke 1:37" "I'm falling for you... please don't mess it up." "Expected fruit - humility Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Philippians 2:3,4" "You shall not go out with haste... for the Lord will go before you and the Lord God of Israel will be your rear guard. ~Is. 52:12~" "Break" All these messages are around me in this January of 2010. The course I have planned for this year includes the following; reading the Bible in a year; climbing Arthur's Seat 52 times in 2010; read a book a month - that's 12 books (in their entirety!) this year. Events that are looking to adorn this year include seeing Stomp, the Index Weekend Away, visiting Tim in Newcastle to see Owl City, turning 25, going to see The Temper Trap and going on a missions trip to Romania. Things that I would like to get better at include photography and being tidy. I want my attitude to be pleasing to God, I want to do good, not to earn salvation or even God's favour - by faith, i already have these things. I want to do good because you reap what you sow. (Gal 6:9 and Rom 12:10). I want this year to be a year marked by prayer. I want to grow in holiness and in wisdom. I want my relationships to be marked by grace. I want to develop a quiet and gentle spirit. I want to be disciplined and diligent. My desire is to not waste my life. My desire is to live for the glory of God - to make his name big, famous, loved, glorious.

Christine's Cottage Cheese Cottage

2009-11-07T21:20:00.004Z

Half Term!

2009-10-17T08:55:00.005Z

Half term started this morning, and for the first time in months (literally), I got to wake up past 8am. And so I did. I woke up at 8:49 and felt like I should open an advent calendar. I guess that means it was cold. But a nice cold. A cold that only touched my face since the rest of me was snuggled and curled up in lovely soft warm bed covers. I love that feeling. And the sun was streaming through my window. A beautiful day to begin half term. Sounds lovely. By 9am I was diving right in to my first half-term activity, a cake. Well I say that. I wasn't IN the cake, but I did have a few ingredients on me. Oh and things have disappeared from the kitchen too (I'm hoping one of my flatmates, who are both away for the weekend, will know where these things have got to), so this cake I made, I made without scales or whisk. So we'll try it out on a bunch of unsuspecting students tonight, and see whether 'old school baking' is something I am skilled in. :)

The Fringe 2009

2009-08-29T14:10:00.002Z

Sin

2009-08-23T23:03:00.002Z

Jesus has cast our sin as far as the east is from the west. He has forgiven it all, paid the penalty for it all. But we still need to deal with it day to day. How do we do this? From God's point of view, we are no longer sinners, but saints. From our point of view though, we still sin. So what do we do with that? We come to God in prayer daily and confess. By confess, I mean agree with God that you have sinned, thank God that He has already forgiven you and ask and trust God to change your wrong attitude and actions. "Then I acknowledged my sin to You and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord' -- and You forgave the guilt of my sin" (Psalm 32:5) "....as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us" (Psalm 103:12) Is this all we need to understand and apply? Or is anything that is beyond this trying to do it ourselves and seeking to earn our salvation? Of course we must strive to do the will of God and live by His law, but ultimately when (not if) we fail, He is faithful to forgive and has paid for us. No need for sacrifice or offering! And by His grace and work, bit by bit, as we grow in fellowship with Him, we will grow in holiness and depart more and more from our sinful ways.

Eagerly Awaiting For Him

2009-08-22T11:22:00.004Z

Eagerly awaiting the street artist's finale...

This summer, Index organised a weekly Bible study for the students and young folk who have stayed around in Edinburgh. Turns out,t here were quite a few of us. Turns out too that it was possibly the best thing we have ever done. Turns out this was God-inspired idea. Turns out, God was going to use this. Why did we (or why did I at least) not expect it to be as amazing as it has been? It's quality time set aside each week to dig deep into God's word and wait for Him to speak to us, to teach us and to give us His wisdom. It was time for Proverbs 2 to take place. (My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God.) This past week, we finished up Chapter 9. The last words of the chapter are "eagerly waiting for Him." One thing I have found is that through the weeks, the points of application have become scarcer. But these four words were the application this week. This is our life, what we are to do with it. Eagerly await Him. Waiting for God. Christine pointed this out, and the turn of phrase she used reminded me of the play Waiting for Godot. Our lives are to be spent and in fact are spent waiting for God. Everyone, whether they know it or not, are waiting for God. We are waiting for Christ's return. Because life (ours or someone else's) will continue until then. But here the difference between that existentialist play and how we are to live our lives is in the word 'eager'. Eager means "marked by enthusiastic or impatient desire or interest". And here's the challenge. Do we really live our lives awaiting Christ's return eagerly? And if this eagerness is going on in our minds, and if we are praying for Christ's return with eager anticipation, are we living it? I know I go through so many days and forget this eagerness I have. I do not act as though I am eagerly waiting on Him. But I want to!! And here he is!!

This Lion... Aslan.

2009-08-06T11:55:00.000Z

'Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, how many skins have I got to take off?... So I scratched away for the third time and got off the third skin, just like the two others, and stepped out of it. But as soon as I looked at myself in the water I knew it had been no good. 'Then the Lion said, You will have to let me undress you... 'The very first tear he made was so deep I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I had ever felt...And there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker and darker, and more knobbly looking than the others had been... 'After a bit the Lion took me out and dressed me...in new clothes--the same I've got on now as a matter of fact.' C.S. Lewis The Voyage of the 'Dawn Treader' (chapter 27)

Summer Holidays...

2009-07-02T18:34:00.002Z

I finished up work for 6 week today. So I have more or less 24 hours a day for 6 weeks to decide what I want to do, with very few constraints. So I am in the process of making a list of all the things I want to do this summer, and I will then try to book some of them into my diary, and have a list of "other" things to do ready to use when I have nothing to do and start to get bored. - Go to Burgundy (18th to 31st July... this is set in stone!) - Move house. - Unpack and decorate new bedroom. - Work on making a lovely living area to have people over in (as well as my bedroom) - Read (I have a lovely wee list of books that are o my shelf that I haven't got round to reading yet) - Try some good food magazine recipes. - Climb Arthur's Seat. - Visit Cramond. - See what street is at the other end of the wee path on Grange Road. - Fill my prayer journal (it currently only has 4 pages full, and this basically means "Pray lots") - Do an Inductive Bible Study of 1 & 2 Timothy. - Go to see Ice Age 3, Harry Potter and other good films as they come out. - Go to some festival shows. Particularly Sweeney Todd and Antigone. - Hang out with Tim who is visiting Edinburgh for the summer. - Go to the Pizza Express in Stockbridge with view over the Water of Leith.

The Gospel

2009-06-09T22:56:00.002Z

The Gospel is (or at least should be) central to everything we say and do. This past year I read a book called Because He Loves Me by Elyse Fitzpatrick with the girls on the core team for Index. If nothing else, this book reiterated to me my failure to realise the amazingness of the gospel. I mean... what a message! What a hope! What forgiveness! What love! What truth... if it really is what it is, which it is, it should affect my everything. One of the men who preaches at Carrubbers often says "We were rebel sinners, but we were wonderfully saved!" Some of my friends and I often repeat this to one another very regularly because it is a soundbite that captures Eric Scott so well. But the truth in that statement is phenomenal. Even more phenomenal than Irn-Bru, and that is phenomenal. Sinners. Doomed. Going to hell. Lost. Without hope. No purpose. But saved. No reason for this other that God, the creator of the universe having such compassion on lost souls. What grace. What love. What hope. And he didn't just click His fingers to make it happen. He could have. He is God after all. But He chose to show his love for us in a way that cost Him. He gave His one and only Son. He sent the one He was in closest relationship with to the Earth, this horrid place amongst sinners, and gave Him a life full of humiliation, rejection and hurt to give us life. And Jesus did it, willingly, joyfully, obediently. He died the most dishonorable death, that of a slave or tractor. It was slow, excruciating and public. He wanted out, and was honest with His Father about this. Yet in this desire, He held fast to God knowing His will was best, and said "Not my will but yours." Jesus died this death, and was buried. But, behold, He rose again. Death could not conquer. This sinless sacrifice that paid the price of our sin defeated death, and in so doing gave us life also. Do we live each day believing this? I know I often just get on with life. I believe it, but don't let it affect every detail of my life, all my choices. I forget. I do not tell myself the Gospel daily. I should. The book I mentioned earlier challenged me to. I am trying. (Titus 2:11-14) Such a truth and a hope cannot go untold. Why then do we sit through so many sermons, even sometimes whole services without this Gospel being told? Every sermon should contain this message, regardless of the topic. If the Gospel cannot be fitted in to the talk, may I suggest that the topic is off-topic? Romans 5:19 For as through the one man's disobedience the many were made sinners, even so through the obedience of the One the many will be made righteous.

So good.

2009-05-16T16:45:00.003Z

My God is so good. There is nothing else that I am more certain of. My God is good. Our God is good. He is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, rich in love. Abounding in Love. The reason I say this, is because I am a sinner. I have hurt Him more than I have been hurt, ever. I have rejected Him over and over. I run back to Him for an instant, and then, yet again I turn my back on Him, and act as though I hate Him. God allows in His wisdom that which He could easily prevent by His power. And so, I am here to serve with joy.

Get Married

2009-05-02T13:25:00.000Z

For a while now I have been reading Candice Watters' (amongst others) articles on the Boundless webzine. At first, I thought she was a little extreme, but as time has gone by, my mind is changed and I agree with most of what she has to say in these articles. It is for this reason and this reason only that I decided to buy her new book Get Married: What Women Can Do To Help It Happen. Such a title would normally make me snicker, say something along the lines of "Dear oh dear" and move on to the next thing. For a while, that was my exact reaction. But after a few months of deliberation, I decided to buy it with some of the Amazon vouchers I was given for my birthday. And I think it was a good move. There are parts of the book that I am unsure about, and though most everything is back up by Bible verses and the context of these verses, I am not sure her interpretation of these verses is necessarily correct. But there are things that I do believe are true and were helpful to me. Which is why I have decided to share. Reading the introduction, two things jumped out at me. The first is something I've had a hunch about for a while. The culture we live in is anti-marriage. My friend Christine and I got to talking about this a few weeks back, and came to the conclusion that the Regency Period or Pre-industrial times would have been a good time that promoted marriage and none of this lovey-dovey you have to be head over heels in love with someone before you can marry them Hollywood Disney rubbish. But actually, since 1970, the marriage rate has declined by 50% and the proportion of American women ages 25-29 who have never married has quadrupled. So we only needed to go back 40 years... The emphasis has shifted from "Marriage equals adulthood" to "Marriage, nice if it happens" to "Marriage, one of many lifestyle options." And the second is something that I had not realised and which helps. Candice says, "There's a difference between making it happen and helping it happen." There is a difference between initiating and asking a guy to initiate. What I mean by this is that it is for example asking a guy out is different from asking a guy to consider making a relationship official and helping him realise that hanging out for ages and not doing anything about it is not gentlemanly and not honouring and respectful to the woman he is hanging out with. That is our role. To help. Obviously, give a guy a chance to initiate, but if he doesn't, helping him to initiate is biblical. That was helpful beyond belief. And I think it helps us help men to grow up, be less cowardly, and more manly. The first couple of chapters showed me that still nowadays, marriage is a worthwhile and holy pursuit. It is something that I am allowed to want. Just as some people have a career they dream about and aspire to, getting married and raising children is just as good a dream and aspiration. It is ok to want to be married. More than ok, it is good. It is not something to be ashamed of as I have been until now. There are many who promote this idea that if you desire marriage, it is an idol. But Colossians 3:4-5 says "When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry." A godly marriage is actually an antidote to most of these. Another issue is that of dishonouring messages about marriage. It is easy to despise something you can't get, even when it's what you want most of all. Nowhere in scripture or in the lives of heroic singles do we see a pattern of demeaning marriage to make singles feel better about their marital status. People will say things like, "It is better to be single and wish you were married than to be married and wish you were single." People who marry well and are committed to their marriages don't wish they were single again. And single people don't find consolation in married people wishing they were single. Most admit that marriage is still something they desire. Marriage has never been perfect, ripples of the fall have always affected it, as well as everything else in this life. And in spite of all I have said here, it is a sure thing that nothing will satisfy like the Lord Jesus. Yes, He chooses to sometimes give those blessings for which we desire. But, NOTHING NOTHING will satisfy and provide us with true joy except our Savior God. Not that perfect job, beautiful house, fancy car, close friendships, money....not even those children, not a husband, not a wife, not a fiancé, not a boyfriend/girlfriend, not a diploma, not a degree, not a perfect figure… you name it. But here's the exciting news! Get excited, because you have a God that can feel every deep longing of that precious heart of yours. In fact, He knows your heart so well, because He created you and He loves you. The book has much more to say about things like having a network of people to help in the process of finding a mate, what a godly marriage is and is not, pulling a Ruth and living like you're planning (ie intending) to marry. "Marriage is the proper reward for the real lover, and he is not mercenary for desiring it." - C.S Lewis.

God Surprises

2009-04-20T12:40:00.002Z

Day One of asking God to surprise me, and He has. I've gone back recently to feelings of depression which I hadn't had in about 4 1/2 years, and insomnia and a lack of appetite. And I need God to help me out of these things. I have no strength to fight. But He has all the strength in the world and defeated Satan already. I have hope. Thankfulness and prayer are good tools to keep up the fight. When I woke up yesterday I asked God to surprise me. I had that prayer in my head all day. And He did. * On my way to choir rehearsal I was listening to music and having it in my head with the earphones was so powerful. It immediately lifted me. The first song that came on was Hosanna by Paul Baloche. It's a song I tend to sing without thinking about it. But having it in my head (I mean loud because of the earphones and no space for anything else) made me realise the power and relevance of some of the words: "When we see you we have strength to face the day. In your presence all our fears are washed away." It was such a great reminder and a lovely surprise! What will he surprise me with today?

True Beauty

2009-04-15T16:51:00.003Z

The world feeds us lies day after day to make up buy things. Magazines, ads, tvs series, films... A psychological study in 1995 found that three minutes spent looking at a fashion magazine caused 70 percent of women to feel depressed, guilty, and shameful. Twenty years ago, the average fashion model weighed 8 percent less than the average woman. Today, they weigh 23 percent less. Anita Roddick, the founder of The Body Shop, started a campaign in 1998 that caught on in the UK, Australia, Asia and the US. It sported Ruby, a plastic doll soon named the anti-Barbie. Mattel sent The Body Shop a cease-and-desist order, demanding they pull the images of Ruby from American shop windows. Their reason: Ruby was making Barbie look bad. That was the point. And in Hong Kong, posters of Ruby were banned on the City Transit Railways because it was thought that she would offend passengers. Dove also started an ad campaign showing what processes a woman's face went through before appearing in a beauty magazine... It is appalling. As great as all these efforts are to counteract culture and reinstate a good and healthy body image, and how helpful they are to young women, what I have found to be even more helpful is to fill your mind with verses that tell me just how much I am loved by the creator of the universe, and my Father. I have a daddy who gets angry when men take advantage of me, or don't treat me the way they should, with all the honour and respect they would give to a sister. He loves me eternally, so much so that He sent His son to die, that I might live for eternity with Him. I have a daddy who weeps with me when I weep and holds me so close, comforts me and loves me. He loves me with an immeasurable, unchangeable, undeserved, unconditional, unconventional, underrated, understated, tangible, groovy, big love. He loves me just the way I am. Some verses that helped me to understand this as a teenager include the following. Psalm 2:7 (God is my Dad!) I will proclaim the decree of the LORD: He said to me, "You are my Son; today I have become your Father. John 15:15 (Jesus is the best friend I could ever hope for.) I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. Romans 5:1 (I'm 'right' in God's sight.) Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Hebrews 4:16 (Chin up, I can go to God whatever.) Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. 1 Corinthians 12:27 (I am part of God's family.) Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. Ephesians 1:5 (I am a 'girl of God') He predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will. Colossians 1:14 (My sin is taken care of.) in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Zephaniah 3:17 (God thinks I rock!) The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. Genesis 1:26, 31 (God likes me.) Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day. Jeremiah 29:11-13 (My future is sorted.) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Romans 8:1-2 (Jesus removed all my guilt.) Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:28 (God is in control, on the mountaintop and in the valley.) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:31 (God is on my side.) What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:35-39 (God's passion for me cannot be stopped.) Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. 2 Corinthians 1:21-22 (I am God's!) Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. Philippians 3:20 (Heaven is my home!) But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Timothy 1:7 (I can be bold, not scared.) For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. John 8:36 (I have freedom beyond compare.) So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. Deuteronomy 33:12 (The Lord holds me in safety.) About Benjamin he said: "Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders." Isaiah 43:1 (God knows my name.) But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. John 15:16 (God chose me.) You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Acts 1:8 (I have God's power in me.) But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth. 1 Corinthians 3:16 (I have God's spirit in me.) Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? 2 Corinthians 5:17 (I am brand new!) Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! Ephesians 2:10 (God made me.) For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Philippians 4:13 (I am enabled.) I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 1:6 (God will keep going and keep me going.) being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Psalm 139 (I am God's work of art.) 1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. 2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. 5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. 7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," 12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. 13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. 19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! 20 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. 21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you? 22 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. 23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I'll Choose To Sing

2009-02-15T09:54:00.004Z

Who can hold the stars And my weary heart? Who can see everything? Whatever's in front of me Help me to sing hallelujah Whatever's in front of me I'll choose to sing hallelujah The same sun that Rises over castles And welcomes the day Spills over buildings Into the streets Where orphans play And only you can see the good In broken things You took my heart of stone And you made it home And set this prisoner free - Bethany Dillon. Deliver me out of the sadness Deliver me from all the madness Deliver me courage to guide me Deliver me Your strength inside me CHORUS: All of my life I've been in hiding Wishing there was someone just like You Now that You're here Now that I've found You I know that You're the One to pull me through Deliver me loving and caring Deliver me giving and sharing Deliver me this cross that I'm bearing Oh, deliver me Jesus, Jesus how I trust You How I've proved You o'er and o'er Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus Deliver me Come and pull me through Come pull me through

Come and See

2009-01-01T19:17:00.001Z

Come and see the Rock that has withstood the winds of time. Come and see the flame that tyrants and despots have not extinguished. Come and see the passion that oppression has not squelched. Come and see the hospitals and the orphanages rising beside the crumbling ruins of humanism and atheism. Come and see the great drama threading through twenty centuries of history and art. Come and see the changed lives, the alcoholic now dry, now embittered soul now joyful, the shamed now forgiven. Come and see the marriages rebuilt, the orphans embraced, the imprisoned inspired. Journey into the jungles and hear the drums beating in praise. Sneak into the corners of Communism and find believers worshiping under threat of death. Walk of death row and witness the prisoner condemned by man and yet liberated by God. Venture into the gulags and dungeons of this world and hear the songs of the saved refusing to be silent. Come and see the pieced hand of God touch the most common heart, wipe the tear from the wrinkled face and forgive the ugliest sin. Come and see the tomb, the tomb once occupied, now vacant; the grave once sealed, now empty. Come and see! He avoids no seeker, he ignores no probe, he fears no search. Come and see. - Excerpt from Wayne's sermon a couple of weeks ago.

Advent

2008-12-21T18:23:00.005Z

O Holy Night! the stars are brightly shining It is the night of the dear Savior's birth Long lay the world in sin and error pining Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn Fall on your knees Oh hear the angel voices O night divine the night when Christ was born O night O Holy Night O night divine O night O Holy Night O night divine Led by the light of faith serenely beaming, With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand. O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming, Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land. The King of kings lay thus lowly manger; In all our trials born to be our friends. He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger, Behold your King! Before him lowly bend! Behold your King! Before him lowly bend! Truly He taught us to love one another, His law is love and His gospel is peace. Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother. And in his name all oppression shall cease. Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we, With all our hearts we praise His holy name. Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we, His power and glory ever more proclaim! His power and glory ever more proclaim!

A moment to catch up and catch my breath!

2008-12-08T22:46:00.003Z

First of all, I've been tagged by Emily (this happened a wee while ago, so I'm going to go ahead and do this before I forget, then move on to other things in the same post - is that ok?!) which means that I get to tell you 7 random things about me. 1. Since moving away from home 5 years ago, I have had 13 official flatmates and 6 homes. 2. One of my favorite things to do is walk. Besides the exercise, I find it to be relaxing and a great time to think things through and process recent information, pray through things and just have "alone time". 3. My memory is pretty terrible. 4. I love lists. I could make lists of things to do and things I like and things I want to do before I die and things I remember about being five (due to number 4, this list is not usually very long), and lists of places I have been and lists of countries I want to visit... all day long! 5. I enjoy brushing my teeth and clipping my nails. These things feel fantastic. 6. As much as I love Christmas and like to have all things Christmas set apart for that season, I adore Christmas lights all year round. 7. When it comes to the thought of growing up, I am scared, impatient and excited at the same time. All of these I feel equally and it makes for a strange balance. OK. Onto the next thing! The past couple of weeks have been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. Two weeks ago, I was offered a job in a special needs school as a learning assistant, which I will start once all police/reference/health checks are carried out. What an answer to prayer - this is the exact job I have been hoping and praying for. As much as I have enjoyed the time and freedom being unemployed has given me, it is a relief to see some form of stable income in the near future. This happened the day after Derek graduated from his masters. Aren't we a clever pair? Yeah, I know, thanks! So that was a very up week. All this happened while Derek's parents and sister were visiting too, which was a lot of fun. This past week, Derek found out that his post study work visa has been denied. There are options. Two of them really that he is considering, but both of those will affect a lot of people - some very directly and concretely, like his flatmate, the cafe (where he works), his family, and myself. Others not quite so noticeably but still will affect them to a degree, like the other ministries he's involved in, his home group, the young writers group he writes with and all the people who know him in Edinburgh. It's been a very emotional week for me, in large part because of this. A trip home for the holidays has come at a fantastic time. It's given me the chance to rest (I've caught up on a lot of sleep), think things through and have lots of non-rushed time reading the Bible and other books I've been meaning to read for ages - better get them finished before Christmas when I'll more than likely get given new ones!

Jesus, I my cross have taken

2008-11-24T19:26:00.002Z

Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken This song is one we have sung in church a few times recently. It is one that takes guts to sing and really mean, but is so beautiful and shows us where we need to get to be living totally and utterly for God, that this would sincerely be the cry of our hearts.

Ummm...

2008-11-20T00:43:00.001Z

He is jealous for me...

2008-11-12T18:39:00.003Z

So much seems to always be going on in my life. I rarely have a minute with nothing to do. I need to consciously think, "Ok this time is for me and for God and nothing else can come before it." on a regular basis. And yet I seem to be in this "limbo" stage. Which way do I go next? Where is this path I am to follow? And I need to learn, like Paul did, to be content in every situation. Philippians 4:12-13 says "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." A lot of the time, I am content. I am actually happy. But then Satan wiggles his way into my head and before I know it, thoughts of discontentedness have got me down and I feel unhappy and depressed. Job 36:11 says "If they obey and serve him, they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity and their years in contentment." And so this is where my focus should always be, regardless of circumstances, regardless of what someone has said to me, regardless of where I was yesterday and where I am today. I cannot regret anything. My past and where God has taken me, brought me through is what makes me who I am today. What I am going through today is what will make me what I will be tomorrow. And I can choose. I can choose how I react to situations, how I react to others' behaviour towards me, how I react to the uncertainty of my life. I have a solid rock who stands. And even if everything else and everyone else around me falls away, I will always have my solid rock, right there beside me. And that is something I rejoice in and I find comfort in and need to focus my whole attention and life on. I went home this weekend and had such a wonderful time. It is so amazing to see an 11-year-old who shows such concern for others. I guess I was most definitely not that 11-year-old so it strikes me all the more, but my heart smiles every time I see the work of God in Ben's life. And dad told me that he went forward during an opportunity to accept Christ in church the other week, which is most exciting. I would like to speak of something I have been wondering about recently, in light of a good number of my friends getting married/engaged (not in that order), and it is this. What do we expect from marriage? What do I expect (I'm not of the engaged or married contingent by the way, I'm just pondering, because this could happen one day, and I honestly don't know what to expect, what to aim for, what to desire). Having only ever been single, I don't really know what I should expect. I haven't been doing research, but have run into a couple of articles/book chapters that deal more or less directly with this. One of the articles I read was by Denise Morris, and she says that "we have over-idealized what marriage is and should be. We expect the person we marry to be perfect, we desire a romantic story to describe how we met, and we hold out forever in search of "the one."" She goes on to say that marriage is intended to make us more holy rather than more happy. So how can I work out whether a man I could potentially marry will help make me more holy and vice-versa? Love is a choice. So you get on well with someone and want to love them forever. Is that it? Or is there more to it than that? I don't know. I also remember Wayne speaking on this and he said that if you're not sure if they are "the one". If you're not sure, marry them. Then they are the one. So is that it? That simple? Finally, the lyrics to a song we sang in church on Sunday (for the first and last time in that church, by the way, but having researched it some, it seems that a lot of people really love this song and its lyrics, which concerns me slightly... or a lot). Verse 1: He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, Bending beneath his wind and mercy. When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, And I realise just how beautiful You are, And how great Your affections are for me. Pre-Chorus: And oh, how He loves us all, Oh how He loves us, How He loves us all Chorus 1: Yeah, He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves. Yeah, He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves. Verse 2: We are His portion and He is our prize, Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes, If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking. So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss, And the heart turns violently inside of my chest, I don’t have time to maintain these regrets, When I think about, the way… Chorus 2: He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves. Yeah, He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves. John Mark McMillan The only line that I like is the first one. The rest is either strange imagery I cannot quite get my head around to understanding what he means, or is not exactly biblical, or is not biblical at all. And if we're singing a song about how much God loves us (which is a fantastic thing to sing about) why is there not even an allusion to the cross, the biggest sign of His love for us and just how much He does love us. It is such a shame, because the melody is gorgeous and the song started out so well. I don't know exactly what this means, but He is our portion. I don't know that the Bible ever says that we are His portion. Of course, that depends what being a portion means!! I have thought about this before, but don't understand what it means. Any help welcome. We're sinking in His grace? I see what He's getting at, but sinking to me implies drowning and suffocating and death. Not quite what grace does to me. And then there's the sloppy wet kiss. I have read (in all my research) that this is an image opposed to a small peck on the cheek. It's all about the passion. But I'm uncomfortable with this imagery. And then regrets come out of nowhere in the last couple of lines... ok... there are my concerns voiced. He is jealous for me...

Strange and Beautiful

2008-11-07T00:51:00.003Z

Goodness has life been strange and unexpected recently. It has included police, bashed in doors, running up and down a street 3 times, idols, wheat, ore, and lots of good chats. Let me explain. These things are not all related. There are a few stories to be told, so let me tel them. First of all, the police and bashed in doors. It all started 3 nights ago. Around 11.30, I heard faint, but still definitely audible screaming. The screaming went on for about 2 hours, and then stopped. I don't know what I thought, but I was not too alarmed. The next night, same thing. It sounded like a baby - shrieks about the length of the noise a firework makes before it explodes - the "heeeeeeeeeeeeeee" kind of high pitched noise as it goes into the sky. These shrieks were pretty constant, they would stop a couple of minutes and then start again for about 10 minutes, and so on for a good couple of hours. Yesterday morning, Jenn and I mentioned that we had both heard this. And last night, it happened again. This morning, Jenn mentioned she could still hear it when she woke up. So this evening, she called the police and told them what we had been hearing, and they said they would send someone round. In the meantime, Jenn left for the weekend, and I went out for a meeting at church. When I got back however, there was a police van parked outside our flat, and as I entered the building, I could see that the door to the flat directly above ours (where we think the noise was coming from) had been smashed in, and the lights were on. So the police had gone up and had reason to smash the door in. I later found out that they were waiting for someone to come and board the door up as this person showed up about an hour after I got home. I know no more than that. But the flat is now silent. No baby screaming, and the flat above us empty and boarded up. Slightly eerie to think about when one is alone in the flat. Running up and down a street three times has to do with a small adventure I went on to attend an interview on Wednesday morning. It was FAR away, and I had a map of the area surrounding the school and the bus stop. I started walking, but it didn't seem right, the road name wasn't exactly the same as the one I'd looked up that morning, and so I thought that I was going the wrong way. So I turned around, and started walking up the street. I got to the top, and the road name completely changed to something I had never heard of. So I turned back. My interview time was fast approaching. As I started walking back, I got out the letter specifying all the interview details, only to find out I had entered the wrong address into the search and the road I had been on first was actually correct, and I had been going the right way even though it hadn't seemed right. So I ran all the way down it, found the school and entered the building about a minute before my interview was scheduled. The interview went well, but there are a lot of applicants, and I mean a lot, all as over qualified for the job as I am. So we'll see. Idols. This is a subject that has been on my mind a lot lately. Since last week to a degree, and exponentially so since Sunday evening, when Daniel Moore, a missionary to Papua New Guinea, spoke on this subject. And since then, I have been thinking about a lot of things in my life that I hold close to me, that I sometimes seek to find security in, that I also think about more than I do about God, that I find myself praying about more than I spend the time I have in prayer just worshiping God for who He is and what He has done, that I fret and worry about, that I want to take into my own hands and hate to leave in God's hands. If I say I love God more than anything, this needs to show in how I spend my time, how I pray, how I use my money, and whether it truly honestly is God I'm trying to please, or myself. Is there something in my life more important than God? Or am I acting as though there is? I hope not, but I'm not so sure, and so I'm trying to get God back at the center of everything - my thought life, my prayer life (how strange that he isn't always the center of my prayers, huh!), my money, my time... and I need to be able to give something up if he asks me to, and I'm finding that concept difficult just now. Wheat and Ore refer to a really good fun weekend I had this past weekend. On Friday night, Derek and I cooked for a few people (actually, with the amount we cooked, we could have fed a small country) and a few friends came round and we ate together and played Apples to Apples and Cluedo, and generally had a good, fun time. On Saturday, Derek and I went to our friend Alan's, and we played Catan (which involves wheat and ore) with him, Dave, Cath and Matthew. Again, we had a lot of fun, playing and singing and chatting. We also played Twister, which was a lot more fun than I had expected (I had only ever played with 7-year-olds before this, and it is quite different when it is fast paced and other people are balancing on one of their feet and another person.) Good chats. Wow... where to begin. There have been many. Discussing, life, God, the Bible, politics (ok, not my favorite, but interesting in times like these) and what on earth is making that noise upstairs must be one of my favorite pastimes.

Times

2008-10-19T22:01:00.001Z

I know I need you I need to love you I love to see you, and its been so long I long to feel you I feel this need for you and I need to hear you is that so wrong? Now you pull me near you When we're close I fear you Still I'm afraid to tell you All that I've done Are you done forgiving? Or can you pass my pretending? Lord I'm so tired of defending What I've become What have I become? I hear you say "My love is over, its underneath, its inside, its in between the times you doubt me, when you can't feel the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?' the times you've broken, the times that you mend the times you hate me and the times that you bend well my love is over, its underneath its inside, its in between, these times you're healing and when your heart breaks the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace the times you're hurting the times that you heal the times you go hungry and attempted to steal in times of confusion and chaos and pain I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame I'm there through your heartache I'm there in the storm my love I will keep you by my power alone I don't care where you've fallen, where you have been I'll never forsake you my love never ends, it never ends" Tenth Avenue North

2008-10-12T15:37:00.002Z

So it's been a few days, week, even months now since I last updated. And a lot has happened. I could try to enumerate a few things, but when enumerated I find that actually not a lot has changed. I went to Frenzy, that was fun, a week later I jetted off to America. That was... a mix. Fun at times, difficult a lot of the time. I don't know that I learned very much from the experience, other than I thought I had changed in a year but really, I haven't that much. The same things still frustrate me, and I generally react in a similar manner. And I go back to old habits a lot faster than expected. But God is faithful, and he has been faithful all summer. Looking back at prayers I prayed in June, I have seen so many of them answered. In God's timing. That's the answer right there. He knows what he's doing, and that is very comforting right now. I have realised in recent days the importance of a routine in my life. I never knew I needed it before now. I made some wonderful friends at camp this summer, and my closest friends are Northern Irish, which makes life easier. I also met a lot of wonderful people in West Virginia but they live in America. It was very sad leaving them. But I was very glad to meet them. Last month, I moved into a lovely wee flat with a lovely girl, with a lovely view on the crags. It often smells of baking. And it is usually clean. I have origami stars hanging from my window, dried roses hanging from my wall and Bible verses over our bathroom sink. It's lovely. Our flat often has visitors which makes it even lovelier. So there's a wee nutshell for you. :)

Being a Teenager

2008-06-06T09:43:00.002Z

Ack, last night, as I started packing for the millionth time in my life (or so it feels), I found the very first (no, second... first, was the Titanic soundtrack. Ouch) cd I bought with my own money. Frantik by The World Wide Message Tribe. I immediately put in on my computer and started to listen. Images of myself dancing to this music in my room came leaping to mind, and instead of thinking "Oh dear!" I thought "How much fun were those times!" And they were fun times, though the music is not exactly to my taste anymore, the lyrics are sound (and they rhyme most of the time - rap...) and it's fun to sing along to and dance to. I just don't want to think what anyone who hears those sounds emanating from my room thinks of my taste in music. Those who don't know the history, the memories, the young faith that this cd represents to me. If you take all of that out, yeah... I think I should turn the music off now. And an encouragement for today - on a more serious note perhaps. This came into my email box this morning and was just what I needed to hear. Galatians 6:9 says "So don’t get tired of doing what is good. Don’t get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time." Phew. That's good. This morning, I woke up and could not think of how best to respond to a particular situation I'm in. I read the passage for today in my devotional and God said some good things. Things that encouraged me. More specifically, He encouraged me to pray at all times, no matter what. Even when he seems far, to keep on praying for people, keep on praying when they don;t hear what you're saying. And it was good to hear, but when I read that email, it was just perfect. It told me exactly what I needed to do. So yay, God! Once again, you provide me with what I need, when I need it. Praise be to the LORD my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge. Psalm 144:1-2

Why worry?

2008-05-24T09:31:00.002Z

I fall into the trap a lot. Especially recently and I don't know if others fall into it as well or if I've helped drag them into it. Possibly a mix. As the day of my departure for camp comes closer the uncertainty of my future feels bigger and bigger. I have to constantly remind myself that God knows my future and He has nothing but good planned for me, because I don't like the uncertainty. And I don't like the thought of some of the possible outcomes. So I also need to keep remembering that what God gives He also has a right to take away. As painful as that will be if He does. So I am in a limbo of enjoying and making the most of the time I have left here and not wanting to enjoy it too much so as not to miss it too much. And then this portion of verse comes to mind. "Make the BEST use of the time because the days are evil." So not doing things because I'll wish to be back here when I think back is not a good enough reason. I do need to think carefully about how I use my time - which right now is the three weeks I have left in Edinburgh before the summer. And I need to be ok with the fact that everything could change when I get back. Sigh.

Beautiful Moments

2008-05-03T16:34:00.002Z

The fullness of Your grace is here with me The richness of Your beauty’s all I see The brightness of Your glory has arrived In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied For You I sing I dance Rejoice in this divine romance Lift my heart and my hands To show my love, to show my love A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied

-Phil Wickham "Divine Romance" In the past wee while, there have been some beautiful moments. Some beauty was fully evident in every aspect, other times it was hidden in tough circumstances. I just wanted to share a few of these beautiful moments. A couple of weeks ago we had an evangelistic service at the Assembly Halls which was good. The beauty though was in seeing someone go up to the speaker and ask lots of questions, and seeing other people who had agreed to come along. The potential was awesome! We're still praying for many of them and keep on hoping. The word of God does not come back empty. Forgiveness. Having hurt and confused someone one day and being forgiven even before an apology is offered the next, is nothing less than beautiful. Moments and conversations that are too special and perfect to even begin describing have happened a lot lately and help me rejoice all the more in my Beautiful Creator. Someone coming to accept the Lord as her Savior is the most beautiful thing! And next week 3 people will be baptized after the morning service at Carrubbers. That will be most beautiful indeed! One day last week, we had a new child attend the after school club. She is 4, and goes to nursery. The reason she was at the club that day was because it was her mum's funeral. Her mum was a drug addict, who had repeatedly tried to get clean after her daughter's birth, but failed each time. The child's dad is also a drug addict, he's not clean and drugs have ruined him completely. He can barely sign his name. The child's granny has full custody of her. I don't know how much she is aware of. But in spite of all this, she is the most beautiful, lovely, happy child I have ever met. She oozes joy and her eyes sparkle when she speaks. Two people wanting what is best for the other person. I love to see that happening in my life. The laying down of one's rights or even just desires and putting the other's first. There is inexplicable beauty in doing things right, doing things God's way. Last weekend the sun shone like it hasn't in a long long time. Derek and I climbed the Scott Monument and had the best view of the city. The lighting was perfect, the trees were blooming and the grass was green. Edinburgh is beautiful at the grayest of times, but when the sun shines, it is a sight not to be missed. Later that evening, we watched a sunset from Louise's window. Probably one of the best views in town. A long window facing West has got to be good! Beautiful moments. There are some things we cannot understand. There are some things we cannot see. "We must remind ourselves during these painful moments that just because we can't feel God's presence does not mean He has abandoned us. Sometimes God does His greatest work when we are lost in the desert." But in these times, just remember. Jesus says:

"I will be with you. I will have my hand on your hand as you go through things."

2008-04-21T18:55:00.003Z

Well the past few days have brought their fair share of difficulties. Fears or concerns about the future, about preparing the summer, about finances, about work, about flats, about what I should do with my life have been through my head, and because I haven't spent much time with God it all bogged me down. Which means I have not been in very good spirits.

On Saturday night, upon returning home from a fantastic birthday party, I watched a bit of one of Louie Giglio's talks. It's the part about Laminin. And then I read Psalm 33 over and over. So good. As alway, God is just what I needed. What else could I need? Church yesterday did me a world of good. Rebecca sang this song by Bethany Dillon. The lyrics did wonders for my soul!

When the day is done
And there's no one else around
While I'm lying here in bed
You're in my heart, You're in my head
You're all I need, You're all I need
There are a million voices
Calling out my name
But You're the One I want to hear
So make the others disappear

You are all I need when I'm surrounded
You are all I need if I'm by myself
You fill me when I'm empty
There is nothing else
You're all I need

When the morning comes
And Your mercy is renewed
There's a fire in my bones
I'm not afraid to go alone
You're all I need
You're all I need
The sun on my face
I hear You whisper loud
You're still the God that opens seas
Every flower, even me
You're all I need
You're all I need

I'm drawn to everything that You do
Nothing compares with You

Pure brilliance. So as I mentioned earlier, on Saturday night a birthday party disguised by ToC happened. It was good. Louise was surprised. They seem to occur a lot. It's all great fun. Anyway, here's a picture of most people present, though some people left early.

Happy birthday Louise!

Camp plans are developing - I have my embassy interview on the 14th May, and then all I'll need to do is book flights. Everything else is done and sent, or nearly sent... hmmm, still need to put those forms in the post. I'll be in the US for close to three months, visiting Derek's family at the end of the summer, and possibly on one of my breaks too. That'll be fun. It's going to be a good summer. And it'll give me the opportunity to think about whether I do want to make that a somewhat more permanent place for me to live. The Boston's children's Hospital and the Salvation Army in Boston both have some pretty interesting vacancies just now to work with them. So we'll see.

All I can say right now is that I'm grateful that God is so big and I am so small. He can do anything, He knows my name, He knows what's coming up in my life, in fact, He has planned it all. Praise the Lord!!

Bedtime Stories

2008-04-08T22:38:00.003Z

I achieved almost all those things. I never walked along the water of Leith, nor did I print off pictures. My room did get tidied... in the end. But so much more than just those things on my list happened. Thankfully! It was a good wee break and I am so thankful for it. It was a time of rest, I had some good conversations and made memories. Belfast was so nice. I can't say we did anything extraordinary, Ruth and I watched August Rush, a pretty good film with extraordinary music. On Friday we met up with Derek and Alan and together we walked around town. There is not much to see really. But it was so nice. We also met up with Ben, my friend from camp, and Alan's good friend from home. We had good food, good chat and it was wonderful to be away from Edinburgh and responsibilities for a day and just enjoy the company.

Pretty much sums it up.

My trip up to the Abbey (in Edinburgh) was also lovely. We went between rain showers. Actually, it poured on our way back, but we saw a beautiful rainbow, which made the walk even more stunning. The views, the crags, the Abbey itself, the trees starting to blossom, the clouds, the sun shining on the wet rooftops... stunning.

I want to share one of my favorite videos just now. Have tissues handy. But it is an amazing picture of a parent's love, and a husband's love. It is a wonderful story. It is a great outlook on life. It is a beautiful picture of God's ability to show Himself in such small things. A baby's life. "God found great pleasure to take a lowly thing in the eyes of the world and show truth."

Dear Eliot.

As the days go by I continue to wonder what to do past September. Jobwise, whether to continue living in Edinburgh or consider moving. It is still a mystery to me. I find great comfort in the knowledge that God goes before me. God know what is around the corner. And it's ok, what awaits me is good. So I try not to worry. I am a natural worrier. But here is yet another chance to choose not to worry about tomorrow.

I'm sure there is so much more I could say, but I will stop there and make the wise choice of going to bed. It is before midnight and these days that is an accomplishment in itself.

Goodnight.

Time...

2008-03-29T10:31:00.002Z

I have 10 days off... what shall I do with my time? I know, to start off, I will make a list! I love to make lists. Whether I use them or not is irrelevant of course. So let's see. - Climb up to the Abbey besides Arthur's Seat. - Purchase a new journal - 20 pages will not last very long! - Read through to the end of 2 Samuel. - Organize all my camp papers and an interview at the US embassy. - Go to Northern Ireland to see Ruth. - Walk along the Water of Leith - Print off some recent pictures. - Take more pictures. - Tidy my room!!!! That's just a start... we'll see what the next 10 days hold. Time for God, time for me, time for others. It's gonna be great!

Speaking of Change...

2008-03-22T22:53:00.000Z

This week is Holy Week. How exciting! I mean, I got the day off on Thursday and Friday, AND I have Monday off too... amazing. Seriously though, reflecting o the cross any time is wonderful, but when everyone else is at the same time, and there are crosses on buns to remind you as you walk around tesco, and setting up an "Easter" playlist on your itunes with plenty of cross-centered songs, ahhh, so good! I love Easter! Any time is a good time to sing praises to Lord of all creation. But today particularly. I love the words of a song by Starfield - Son of God. Son of God Shaper of the stars You alone The dweller of my heart Mighty King How beautiful You are How beautiful Son of God The Father's gift to us You alone Were broken on the altar of love Precious Lamb Our freedom's in your blood It's in Your blood. Jesus Oh Holy One I sing to You Forgiven Saviour I'm overcome With Your great love for me Son of God Strength beyond compare You alone The darkness cannot bear Lord of love Your kindness draws me near It draws me Son of God Prophesy of old You alone Redeemer of my soul Come again And lead Your people home Come lead us home You are worthy, You are worthy, You are worthy of all my praise You are beautiful, You are beautiful, I will lift up my hands and sing Amazing. What a gift! Nothing can compare. Even when the sun's shining, things in all areas of life are good, exciting, and enjoyable, nothing comes close to the joy I find in Christ. In fact, I've found the past few days that as much as I'm enjoying life, enjoying these things makes me want to worship God even more and has caused me to enjoy Him more. I don't know where to start. I went to see my friends the Essams for a couple of days. Whilst I was there, God showed Marie Anne the most amazing thing. This was one of the only topics of conversation for the weekend (well not really, but it came up over and over) and I think it is well worth sharing. Galatians 2:20 in most versions says something along these lines: "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Notice "I live by faith IN the Son of God" Now, the KJV and the Greek (as we found out by calling Alan Compton) says this: "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." Notice "I live by the faith OF the Son of God" How amazing. We have Jesus' faith. As Oswald Chambers said, "this faith is not Paul's faith in Jesus Christ, but the faith that the Son of God has imparted to him - "the faith of the Son of God." It is no longer faith in faith, but faith which has overleapt all conscious bounds, the identical faith of the Son of God."

One point of focus

2008-03-08T11:00:00.000Z

What comfort there is in these words. "The Christian knows no change with regard to God. He may be rich today and poor tomorrow; he may be sickly today and well tomorrow; he may be in happiness today, tomorrow he may be distressed - but there is no change with regard to his relationship to God. If he loved me yesterday, he loves me today. My unmoving mansion of rest is my blessed Lord." -Charles Spurgeon "The ultimate ground of our rejoicing can never be our circumstances, even though we as Christians recognize that our circumstances are providentially arranged. If our joy derives primarily from our circumstances, then when our circumstances change, we will be miserable. Our delight must be in the Lord himself. That is what enables us to live with joy above our circumstances. As Nehemiah puts it, “The joy of the Lord is your strength” (Neh. 8:10). Perhaps that is one of the reasons why the Lord sometimes allows miserable circumstances to lash us—that we may learn this lesson.…Whatever the mysteries of evil and sorrow, they do have the salutary effect of helping believers to shift the ground of their joy from created things to the Creator, from the temporary to the eternal, from jingoism to Jesus, from consumption to God." -D.A. Carson Yesterday I was reading through one of my favorite books, Disciplines of a Godly Woman by Barbara Hughes, and one of the appendices says this. Or at least these were the bits I wrote down. I am not the point. He is. It is not about me getting out of suffocating pain. It is about His Son being revealed in me, about God's image being released in me. I need to yield to the instrument of refinement He has chosen in my life, and confess that I don't know how to yield, that I am helpless and angry. But I am willing to be taught. May He teach me through the word to trust Him and understand who He is in His love and mercy. The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different circumstance. The beloved of the Lord dwells in safety. The High God surrounds him all day long, and he dwells between His shoulders. (Deut. 33:12) Oh what a joyful and comforting thing, to know that I am right there, in God's arms, resting on his chest, between His shoulders.

You Make All Things New

2008-02-20T12:36:00.004Z

I feel like everything is constantly changing. But things just slide into each other, so unless you stop to think, life seems like one long series of uneventful. All the same.

Well things change. For starters, I have a new sister.
Isn't she beautiful? Her name's Beki. But you probably already knew that.

I also have a new fringe. Aka bangs. Why bangs? I have no idea. At least fringe is kind of "on the edge"... "edgy"... whatever. But bangs? Nevermind.

And a new phone with a new number. I was about to say "Text me if you want it" but that would be pointless. So email me if you want it!

And then everything else has changed very little actually. I'mdone reading Numbers, and I'm not gonna lie, it's somewhat of a relief. That said, it's more interesting than Leviticus, and I learned about Aaron and Joshua which was cool. So Deuteronomy, here goes!

Onto things of more consequence I guess. It's been a tough time the past week or two. Though I am content in Christ, I am at times not content with the situations He puts me in. This would be one of those times. It's a time of battling through and taking thoughts captive. But one thing brought me great comfort and a renewed hope last week. The chapter the core teams girls read last week is called Pruned to Bloom. It made the point (among many others) that Satan can ask God's permission to prune us in some way, but he only has the power and authority to do anything if God allows it. Satan cannot do just anything he desires to us. Get that!! And it's in these pruning seasons that God does most of His work in us. God's will for our life is that we become more Holy. So. I'm in. Though I may feel down and confused and so frustrated, impatient also, God will use it all for His glory, making me more like Him each moment I get through by His strength alone.

Of course even in tough times there have been may enjoyable moments. Raclette with Leanne, walking round an illustration/writing exhibition, breakfast with Cecily, Sardines in Carubbers with 14 students, Mafia with those same students, good conversations with a whole array of people, lunch with students and families, an awesome Praise Night, walking through the sunny meadows, ...

My Everything

2008-02-04T13:05:00.000Z

One of my New Years Resolutions was to read the Bible cover to cover this year. I'm half way through Leviticus, and so far it's pretty tough going!! But goodness. My life has been one lesson after another to learn. That said, it has been a joyful time of learning. I am excited to get to December and see how much I have learned and grown in 2008. Because even just getting to the end of January and looking back on the past month, things have changed. My focus has shifted and is closer to where it should be.

A woman in my home group came up to me yesterday and told me I had a confident sparkle about me these days. I'm excited that God in me is showing on the outside.

Last weekend was the Index Weekend Away. Daniel, one of Carrubbers' missionaries in PNG came to speak to us. His message was so challenging and so encouraging. He spoke on "Only one life; What will you do with yours?" Wow...

Pictures from the weekend include Lizzie, Clair and I on our lovely albeit wet walk, ceilidh dancing, Laura enjoying smores, Wee Anna and Wee Elijah enjoying fellowship, people jumping in the nearby loch (yes, this was Scotland in January) and Dave and Derek enjoying some manly activities, ie, sleeping.

This past week I've been reading a book with an amazing message (if you can get past the American cheese) and challenge to be a set-apart woman. There are a few in each generation who are truly set apart. A whole lot of the book challenged me and has made me think and change, particularly how I use my time, and what goes through my mind, where my true focus is etc. It was like a confirmation of last weekend's message, but it went even further into the subject.

One story described in this book particularly had an impact on me. I've heard Corrie Ten Boom's testimony. But I'd never heard her sister's, Betsy. She was amazing. There were 1400 women slept in a room big enough only for 400. The bedding hay was soiled and rancid. Eight putrid, overflowing toilets served the entire room. The prisoners of Ravensbruck were exhausted and malnourished, and then there were the fleas. They bit incessantly. Betsy prayed for God to show her how to survive in such a place. And then suddenly the answer came. That morning, her and Corrie had read from a tiny New Testament they managed to sneak in to the place; "Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances" (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) Betsy started to thank God for everything she could think of. She thanked God that her and Corrie were together. That there was no inspection, so they were able to bring the small New Testament into their prison. She thanked God for the overcrowded room, because they were able to share God with that many more women. And she even thanked God for the fleas. Over the following few weeks, a growing crowd of women gathered each day to read the Bible, first in German, then in French, Polish, Russian, Czech and Dutch. They whispered prayers and sang hymns softly. Soon the atmosphere in the room changed. The shrieks, slaps, curses and sobs turned into pleasant, considerate words and the sound of gentle singing. No matter what happened Betsy kept worshiping her Lord. "Though her body was chilled with fever, her chest heaved with racking coughs, and her limbs shook with weakness, she maintained a joyful, radiant spirit. One day, a furious guard slashed her across the chest with a sharp leather belt for not working fast enough. When Corrie saw what had happened, she grabbed her shovel ad rushed at the guard. But Betsy stepped in front of her before anyone saw her outraged action." She told Corrie to keep on working and not took at her bloody chest, rather, to keep looking at Jesus only. "Look at Jesus only" was the theme of Betsy's entire existence. Oh, and it turns out, those fleas were the reason the women's worship gatherings were never found out - the guards all refused to enter the putrid, flea infested room.
I want my life to look like that. Always focus on Jesus, always point others to Him.

"God in my living, There in my breathing, God in my waking, God in my sleeping. God in my resting, There in my working, God in my thinking, God in my speaking.
Be my everything, be my everything, be my everything, be my everything.
God in my hoping, There in my dreaming, God in my watching, God in my waiting. God in my laughing, There in my weeping, God in my hurting, God in my healing.
Christ in me, Christ in me, Christ in me the hope of glory, You are everything." Tim Hughes

Ecclesiastes says
There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

One I need to keep in mind is that there's a time to shut up...

One Week In...

2008-01-11T23:05:00.000Z

I've now been working at Abbeyhill Primary for a week. It's so different to anything I've done before, even though I have worked in childcare and after school clubs for over four years now. It is chilled, controlled, friendly, pleasant, and the children are so nice. A couple are difficult, but generally they are awesome, polite, well behaved, concerned, obedient, tidy, wonderful children. I am enjoying it, in spite of the 6am wake up call each morning, and the weird sleeping pattern I have been in. There's really not much else to talk about, I mean, everyone is back from holiday, and things are pretty much back to normal after the break. I like normal. Hanging out with people. Church. Index. I went to one of the art galleries in Edinburgh today with Nadia, which was fun. We always fill hours with good conversation. There's so much to say and think about. It's awesome. This weekend involves lots of time with people, and still not much time in my bed, which is great in many ways, but I'm going to be so tired. Especially since my friend Katie is coming to stay next weekend, and the Index Weekend Away is the following weekend. But people are more important than sleep. Actually better go. Later!

A Cup of Tea... or Three

2008-01-05T11:37:00.000Z

Isaiah 52:12 has been coming back at the most random of times. It's actually been brought to my attention 4 times this week, 3 times by people and once in My Utmost For His Highest, which is the most astonishing to me, because it was compiled in 1935, and even then God knew I would need this verse to be told to me these past two weeks. God knew. Isn't that awesome?

I don't like not doing anything. I don't like counting down to an event because I find myself forgetting to live in the present. And even though I'm waiting for people to get back, for Index to start back up, for a new job to begin, and for Katie to come up, I have not wasted time. I have had Nathan and Beki up from Paris, which was good times, I've hung out with Jen, Alan, Dave and Nadia, I've had cups of tea with Arpita, Nadia and Clair... Food and/or tea always make for good conversation times. I love spending quality time with people.

And even when there have not been people round, I have knitted, made cards, written to BT, emailed royal mail, semi sorted out a boiler replacement... yeah, there's alot wrong with the flat just now... and spent quiet time with God. Living room sofa + snow watching from the window + Bible + notebook + quilt covers + God + me = wonderful!

Last night there was a camp reunion at the Garretts' house, in Sharon, Massachusetts. Obviously I didn't quite make it. However, knowledge of Shaggy and Bex's engagement made it to me. Congratulations!!!

Let us leave 2007 and enter 2008 with our eyes fixed on Christ

2007-12-30T22:58:00.000Z

Oh nooooo! I just totally forgot about two chocolate souffles that I put in the oven over an hour ago. They are reduced to charcoal. You see they only needed about five minutes. I got distracted. I've been knitting. In my slippers, under my duvet on the living room sofa, listening to a mix of chilled out music and HTB sermon podcasts. I feel like a granny, all I'm missing is the rocking chair and the open fire. Oh and a husband, and married children with children of their own. Not quite yet. Give me time. On the subject of fire though, can I just say one would be most welcome in my flat just now, as it is cold. So cold in fact that the corridor from the main door to our front door is warmer than our flat. Impossible you say? Nope. All you need is a rubbish boiler in Scotland, and you're all set.

On that chillsome note, let's move on... This is how a part of Christmas was spent in the Lambert household... fun times! I particularly like the trick of "let's all put our hair up" to see Joe's face for the first time in a good couple of years. I am a genius if I do say so myself. That said, I didn't expect my magic plan to actually work. But there you go, enjoy Joe's face, it's probably the last you'll see of it for a long while yet.

I am content. I haven't been able to say that often in my life. It involves putting God at the center. Everything then revolves in its right orbit, because God is in His right position. It's difficult to keep up, impossible by human effort alone. But for right now, I am content.

My favorite song just now is called Hosanna, by Brooke Fraser. Not only is the intro fantastic, the melody catchy, but the lyrics are beautiful. The bridge particularly. This is my prayer tonight:
"Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from Earth into eternity"

Today was such a wonderful day. I have had a few of these recently. Days of pure fellowship and fun. I went to church which was good. I love Carrubbers so much. Unashamed Bible teaching and gospel exposing. Fantastic. After church I went for lunch at Alan's with Alan's brother Peter, Jen and Tim. I'd missed them all. Well, I hadn't missed Peter, because I didn't know him previously, but it was also lovely to meet him. We hung out there for the afternoon, Jen and I often bursting into fits of laughter over nothing or not very much and the boys looking at us, a confused expression on their faces. It was good. It is such an amazing privilege to be a part of the Carrubbers family. People often say it, and I totally concur. Just thought I'd say that! :o)

One of my problems recently seems to be waiting on God's timing. It is, admittedly, a problem I have regularly, but this bout of it is lasting quite a while. There are times where I just wish I knew His plans in advance. There are times I wish I knew what the next few weeks hold. This is one of those times. I find my thoughts getting completely ahead of Him, and my thoughts get ahead of reality, and it's just not helpful. I was talking to Nadia about the whole issue, and she just gave me this one verse which I have to keep on clinging to. It's Isaiah 52:12 which says "For you shall not go out in haste, and you shall not go in flight, for the LORD will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard." What a promise.

I will leave one last though for this end of 2007.

I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken. [...] Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.[...] He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him for God is our refuge. [...]
Psalm 62

Say Hello to Alfie

2007-12-18T00:01:00.001Z

Alfie arrived a week ago today. He is beautifully shiny, white and very slim. He takes pictures, plays music and surfs the internet, can tell you the time and the temperature amongst many other things. He's very intelligent. And this is my first blog post using him. So welcome Alfie, my lovely macbook. I love you already!

Messing with Photo booth

Pete and my Christmas meal on Saturday.

I would also like to say that tomorrow is my last day at Morningside Montessori Nursery and at Little Foxes After School Club. It's the end of an era and the beginning of a new one.

It's been absolutely freezing here the past few days. -6 has been the minimum temperature, so not quite Moscow, but close. We are, after all, on the same latitude. It's been frosty, which makes the meadows look snowed on, but there's no yucky post snow slush, which is nice. Best of both worlds. Though I can't really dance in falling frost. Will took some pictures out at Blackford Hill this afternoon - enjoy!

I had the best conversation with Dave Nixon the other day. Rarely have we been so honest with each other - I mean we are honest but we generally joke around and make fools of ourselves. But Sunday night we were serious and had a deep conversation. It did me alot of good. Conversation is one of my favorite things. On Saturday night Nadia stayed over and we also had a long chat. It was so good, and I could hear God speaking through her about matters big on my heart right now. I've been tempted to compromise and settle for second best, but she spoke truth, telling me again of what best sounds like, and it made me realize that second best is nothing close to best, and all I want is best. Our God is an awesome God.

It is the night of our dear saviours birth (soon)

2007-12-08T12:08:00.001Z

So it's been a while and alot has happened. I guess. I graduated on November 27th, and mum, dad, Joe and Ben came up for the occasion which was lovely. It was so good to see them again and be reminded that brothers are one good reason why I don't want to live at home, ever again! Parents are cool though. I had Mikey and Emily over one evening while they were there which was really lovely - I learned alot about mum and dad. I guess they've told me stories in the past but it was good to see a little more of how they all fit together in time and to be told of God's work when they were younger. The following evening was homegroup evening which I always love, and I hosted it so that mum and dad could be there also to see how that happens (I talk alot about these things when I'm on the phone to them). So that couple of days were really good and not just because I was hit on the head by a cap that's been to space and got to join the parade of graduates out of the McEwan Hall. Hehe. I quit my job at the after school club this week. I've been in high spirits ever since and feel free as oposed to trapped. it's funny. On Thursday evening the thought first popped into my head to leave without a job to go to. So I prayed about it a wee bit then opened my Bible to let God speak to me. And the first verse I stumbled across was Jeremiah 29:11. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for good and not for harm. Plans to give you hope and a future. Amazing. So over the weekend I wrote my letter and plucked up the necessary courage to give the enveloppe to my manager. I did so on Tuesday. Big smiles ever since. And I have an interview for an other job on Monday morning which is exciting. It sounds lovely. It's a bit further than I'm used to (both my jobs just now are a 7 minute walk down the road) and I'd have to take the bus, but that's fine, if it's a job I love and am passionate about, I can deal with a bus ride. And christmas season is in full swing. Today I am at work. Well.... I am at the nursery in the office doing what I want and occasionally pointing someone to the bin or printing a sign off for the christmas fair. They're trying to raise money for a set of real expensive bells they want to get for the nursery and donating money to Barnardo's. On Thursday I went to the german market with Derek but we didn't realise it closes earlier on weekdays so we never actually got any of the german market atmosphere. But we did get to go on the big wheel. It was an.... interesting ride. It didn't really know which direction to go in, nor who to let on and let off... but we got our money's worth. We're going to see The Snowman at the theatre on Thursday. I've been wanting to go for the past 2 years but never got round to it, so that's exciting! Sunday is the start of Christmas season at church, though we sung one carol last Sunday. 9 Lessons and Carols, Carols by Candlelight, Carols through the Centuries and the Children's Christmas Production. AMAZING, can't wait. And tomorrow evening marks the end of Index for 2007 with a fantastic White Elephant Christmas Party. So it's much festiveness, which is not too early, not too late. me likes. I don't think I'll be fed up with christmas before it arrives this year. Always a good thing. My new computer arrives on Monday or Tuesday, it's a white macbook. Sweet. So lots of news for (nearly) a new year. Probably by the time I next write it'll be 2008. Unless something totally amazing happens and I can't possibly wait comes up. Like the return of Jesus. But then would I really care about a blog then? I think... not!

Do I watch too much tv?

2007-11-09T21:26:00.000Z

So... life recently has resembled a tv show. Crazy psychos trying to kick doors in and subsequent trips to the police stations, a fair few engagements, surprise pregnancies and STDs... All the ingredients for a good soap opera right? On the plus side, none of it is involving me completely directly, though my front door was the one almost to be kicked in, it was not my fault; however, I am the one who forever cannot find the words to speak to friends who are going through such crazy things. In just over 2 weeks, I graduate. I have to say that while the prospect of wearing a delightful gown in front of a large crowd does not imediately appeal, I am looking forward to it. Why? Cause it's a fantastic excuse to have mum, dad, Joe and Ben up for a couple of days. Suh-weet! Fun times recently have been thin on the ground what with working 2 jobs and being involved in Index and Homegroup as well as training to work in the Montessori nursery, I fall asleep way before curfew. However, I've spent a fair amount of time at the beach recently and that's been a real lot of fun. Honestly, life has been pretty full and fairly insane, but I cannot for the life of me think what I've been up to. So there we go. Enjoy the mini update.

Trees are green...

2007-10-20T20:13:00.000Z

I was reminded yesterday of one of my favorite camp songs. Favorite because it's about God, because it's gramatically so incorrect it can only be american and it has fun memories of a lovely duo I was a part of as Brad couldn't hit the high notes when he was ill so I sang the high notes in his place one week!! After such a lovely and heart warming introduction, here are the lyrics to the song! Jesus got heaps of lambs They re white as snow And everywhere that Jesus went Those lambs were sure to go Chorus 2, 3, 4 Hallelujah, (HEY) Hallelujah, (HO) Hallelujah, (Uh huh, Uh huh, Uh huh) Trees and trees and trees are green And the sky is blue Oh man I love Jesus So tell me how about you Jesus died on the cross Just to save the lost Sing Hallelujah, Hallelujah Come on and praise the Lord I was lost but know Im found No more walkin on stony ground Sing Hallelujah, Hallelujah Come on and praise the Lord Jesus Christ is the way Hes alive this very day Sing Hallelujah, Hallelujah Come on and praise the Lord Jesus Christ is real choice So lets get down and rejoice Sing Hallelujah, Hallelujah Come on and praise the Lord Fun times! :o) Anyhow... This week has been fun times too; not gonna lie, half term is sweet!! I only worked yesterday afternoon, and we went to the cinema to se Stardust. Kind of a new Princess Bride. Not quite as funny, but some pure good moments. Like when Robert DeNiro dances around in a dress. You gotta see it. Other than that, I've been cooking and baking and reading and scrapbooking and seeing people and just loving life in autumn in sunny, warm, beautiful Edinburgh. With a phone. That makes me smile no end. Holla.

As I Was Saying...

2007-10-12T13:47:00.000Z

Hi everyone! Lots to catch up on eh... I've been home about 5 weeks. It feels like forever. I have nostalgic moments for America. Last week I saw an advert on tv that had a shot of a car driving down a road with traffic lights suspended over it, and I just went "aww, America!" and then ensued 3 days of really missing the USA and everyone I met there. This has been slightly harder no longer having access to the university computers, nor having a landline to call all these people. But hey... there's always post. oh no wait, they're all on strike. So.... Anyhow, this isn't to say I haven't settled back in fine (though it took a good long while to get over 8 hours of jetlag and remember that these are trousers, not pants). Apparently though my accent is very amaerican when I say "Oh my gosh"; thank goodness I did not pick up the hand movement that generally goes with this phrase. So news in general is this. I have 2 jobs. I'm a administrator and classroom assistant in a Montessori nursery 10 minutes from home, and in the afternoon I work in an after school club 5 minutes from home. I have to say it's slightly dull compared to camp, a lot less crazy and less christian, but it's good. It suits my timetable well and it pays the rent. Index started back up 3 weeks ago and has been balls of fun ever since. I really miss it when it's not on. Lots of people have left and lots have just arrived, so as always this is a period of transition and being on the core team adds to this transistional phase, but I love every minute of it. Our series this first term is Jesus in His own words. Of course it can be interesting to know what others think of Jesus, but what He said about himself is so much more important and frankly, all the more interesting too. So Mikey's teaching us through the book of Matthew. I have been pushed in many ways even this past month back, and some things that happened at camp, even though I didn't know why they were happenening then, I know why now. As things happened, my confidence grew and I pushed myself. This confidence has come in handy. I am assistant play leader at the after school club which means I have more responsibilities, including speaking to parents more, dealing with challenging behaviour more, and I have the experience and the confidence to do these thnigs now, even though they can still be scary. It's all come in handy at church too, as I stood up for the open mic night with Alan and David and rapped Baby got book, as well as standing in front of the church (400 people-ish) to give an announcement for Index. Can I just say I'm glad that service is over. I graduate next month officially with a ceremony and all, which mum, dad and Joe and Ben are driving up for. Excited? Oh yeah! My friend from high school, Chloe is now in Edinburgh for the semester, and stayed with me for 2 weeks whilst looking for a flat. My flatmate Will had a friedn staying for the same reason at the same time, we also have Chris who is subletting from Arpita, and Katy's mum, Mary (our landlay) stayed for a long weekend. So our flat has bfelt slightly youth hostel-esque, but I am glad to say it is back to its normal fairly calm, clean self. I miss mountain dew. But I'm loving my diet irn bru again. it's so good. I'd better be off. I'm meeting Brittany for coffee then have Nadia over for dinner. What should I make? Something Jamie Oliver? I made Hamilton Squash for lunch, it was yummy!! I got his new book... divine! Regardless, I need to get more vegetables. I'm still recuperating from a quasi-veggie-less summer, and haver at least 6 or 7 each day. In fact, the majority of what I eat is veggie. Oh and quinoa. It's cool, it feels bouncy in your mouth!!!

i will update

2007-10-10T17:10:00.000Z

soon... i promise!!! when i have time and a computer... so maybe not so soon.

God calls the shots!

2007-09-14T12:08:00.000Z

You just gotta trust Him... Wayne's talk on Sunday challenged alot of people but also encouraged us, so I thought I'd share my notes for you all. God wants to stretch and develop our faith. Uncomfortable but good to grow. 1. God calls the shots. (v1-5) He's in control. Many times we get in a state because we forget this. Proverbs 21:1 "The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD, Like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes." God made it, God owns it, God controls it. Daniel 2:21 "And He changes the times and the seasons; He removes kings and raises up kings; He gives wisdom to the wise, And knowledge to those who have understanding." In those times you didn't get more "uhuh" than a king. Job 12:23 "He makes nations great, and destroys them; He enlarges nations, and guides them." Whole nations are like clearing away dishes from the dinner table. Daniel 4:17 "This decision is by the decree of the watchers, And the sentence by the word of the holy ones, In order that the living may know That the Most High rules in the kingdom of men, Gives it to whomever He will, And sets over it the lowest of men.’ Haggai 2:22 "I will overthrow the throne of kingdoms; I will destroy the strength of the Gentile kingdoms. I will overthrow the chariots And those who ride in them; The horses and their riders shall come down, Every one by the sword of his brother." God has power over everything! He calls the shots. Not us, not the authorities who go to a summit (they call it that because they like to think they are the highest authorities and they can change things. they wouldn't called it a valley!!) 2. God expects His people to trust Him. (v6-11) Non-believers say that it's impossible for God to have created everytihng in 6 days. We say "What took him so long?" 2 Tim 1:8-9 "suffering according to the power of God." For I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day: my soul. The question is not will your soul continue to exist, the question is where. If your soul is safe, you are free to let everything else go. Your soul will live forever, it is eternal. Nothing on this earth is. back to our text, it took the big guys 8 or 10 days to convince Festus. Paul waited that long, then they all stoud around him. But Paul knows who he trusts, see v10-11. then he appeals to caesar. 3. The greatest thing we could do with our lives is live them to the glory of God. (v12) freedom is to live to the potential God has made you to. Philippians 1:21 "for me to live is Christ, to die is gain" The sin that the people comitted in Babel was that they wanted to make a name for themselves. The day after this sermon, I had an interview for a job. I also had one on Tuesday. I really needed a job, and it was a fantastic reminder to trust in God, no matter what the circumstances; be it something small or huge issues that involve the whole world. On Monday afternoon I went for an interview at Morningside Montessori Nursery and was offered a job, working Tuesday - Thursday mornings as their admin person and all day Friday as a classroom assistant. On Tuesday morning I went fr an interview (kind of) at Little Foxes, and Sheila asked me to be the Senior Play Worker there, which essentially is Assistant to the playleader, so I do all I did before but with more responsibility. The thing is Sheila said she couldn't offer me full time. I asked if she could offer me Monday to Thursday (this job is only in the afternoons) and she replied that this was exactly what she could offer me. This cannot be a coincidence in my mind. God is amazing! On Tuesday evening I had homegroup over at mine. It was lovely to be back there, I love those people so much! We had a "further thoughts on Sunday's talk" evening which we do once per month. I found it really tough. I was talking to Leanne about it after people had left, and she said she'd found it really difficult too, she felt attacked by Satan all evening. We're onto something big here. Satan doesn't like it. On Wednesday, I went back to work at Little Foxes, my first day in my new position. It was good. We now have a new play leader, Roseanne. She's lovely, and doing a good job I think. So there are 3 full timers at Little Foxes, and me, almost full time. In the evening I went to my first Index core team meeting. It was good fun, and I'm looking forward to getting to know these people better this year, and I'm excited at what God has in store for the group this year. Gonna be a goodun.

Pictures

2007-09-10T20:15:00.000Z

A few of my favorite pictures from the summer... if you start from the bottom, they're more or less in order of events, give or take a few days.

Back home

2007-09-08T17:37:00.002Z

I really should update, eh! I got back to Edinburgh on Wednesday afternoon after travelling 24 hours from San Francisco. I have way too much to say, it would take years. So I'll just edit something I wrote on the train from London (the last leg of my journey), edit, as in I'll add a few anecdotes and explanation notes to some of these. It is in no particular order, just as it came to my head. Things I learned this summer... * I can take care of chickens, turtles, frogs and rats. (one frog died because I child put a little friend in with it, and the rat died on the last day of camp...) * East coast trumps west coast. * The most random and insignificant things can become your best memories. * Harry Potter 7. Good book. * I can live for 11 weeks without having mum on the phone. * Airport security is often irrational and always excessive. "Excuse me Maam, your toothpaste is too big to take in your carry on" (you never know, I may be carrying a bomb in it or something) * Amish people do really exist. * Palm trees do really exist! * Cravings come in two forms: subway and Tacobell. Even Ben & jerry don't cut it. * After 3 days in San Fransisco, you expect to see men holding hands. * I am not the most compassionate of people. * Your closest friends will be those you least expect. * My life is not an average life. There is no average life. * My mood is directly affected by the temperature outside. * Never buy a bookcase from walmart. (though it can lead to funny moments and some of those unexpected best memories) * Greyhound is a good bet if you want a stressful life. (lateness and booking too many people on a bus for all to get on are two factors of this) * We can fit 13 people in Shaina's car. * Some 25-year-olds are less mature than some 15-year olds. * Is 2007 the new 2007? (Spice girls reunion tour, and Hanson are on their way back to the charts... aie aie aie!!) * Some people speak guetto. That's just the way they speak. For dogs. * Watching the camp dvd one more time will not bring me back there. Sobb. * Snapping turtle. Such a thing exists. * You can get Dr Pepper jelly bellys! * I can live with people! * It's a small world (I met Alan (guy from my homegroup)'s best friend Ben at camp. also, Brad knows the Fauveau's who live in France) * Times Square is amazing! * Tubing is fun. * Driving is not too difficult (Janelle took me to a parking lot one night and made me drive. A manual, and I only stalled once, because I forgot to put my foot on the clutch when I braked to park. Or something like that. I kind of forget to steer though because I'm too focused on everything else going on, which may be a problem...) * Often the only way to love something/someone is to see another person passionate about it/them. * No one can agree on a word for flip-flops. (Jandles, slops, flops...) * Small things can mean the world to people (like time beside a flagpole just chatting, or a worship service in the rec field, or going to CVS just before curfew) * My love language is quality time. * You can forget everything on a canoe. * Only women feel comfortable touching each other's legs hours after they met. * Camp is not camp if crazy stuff doesn't happen (good crazy and bad crazy). * Alot of fun can be had on a highway with 4 vehicles and a cd. * "When it comes to God, we must come with great expectations - we will experience what we expect." Please note, this does not apply with humans. Humans disappoint. * Animals have a special knack at calming kids down when they're upset. (One day I just sat on the stairs beside Jalen, 6, who had been crying all week, with one of the turtles in my lap. He calmed down and a bond grew between us. I love Jalen! Cutest kid) * 5 minutes can feel like an eternity (like when you have smelly Dale on your lap in a crowded car, or even just on a walk from waban to the chapel and back.) So that's for that. I also have a few examples of God's sense of humour... * Sharon's stalker ends up living in the dorm room next to hers, better still, he shares a wall with her. Unbelievable. Of all the dorm rooms at Akron University, he is placed in the one next to hers. * A summer of eating chicken and rice pilaf ended with that very same meal on the plane home. * I met Ben, Alan's best friend, whilst eating fresh ice cream and watching the cows who gave the milk, poop. A surreal experience. That's that folks. I'm home, back to normal, thrown in the deep end. I had to call 999 and put someone in the recovery position yesterday, after he'd had an epileptic fit (so the ambulance people said!). That was pretty scary. Looking for a job, getting stuff sorted in the flat, like a telephone line, unpacking bags and boxes (everything is unpacked, it's just all on my bedroom floor), helping new flatmates settle in and get on with church life also. Index, homegroup, ahh, I love it! I really do!

Life After Camp

2007-08-23T16:19:00.001Z

I could say so much about camp but I would cry.

People from Bunac always told me that the time travelling after camp was the best part of the summer. I'm not so sure. Camp was amazing. Alot of things that I would rather forget, alot of drama, but so much fun and new friends and great memories I don't ever want to forget. Don't get me wrong, time after camp has been good also. Just different.

The day after camp ended, I got on a greyhound and travelled 14 hours to get to Akron, Ohio. Speak to any american and they will say "Why on earth are going to Ohio?" But it was really good fun. There's not much to do in Ohio touristy things wise, this is true, but I don't want to do tourist things. I've been to New York, to Boston, to Providence and done tourist stuff to last me the year. I went to stay with my friend Brad for the weekend, and before you ask (because people have) we're not like together. Nope. I met his music theatre friends he's been telling me about all summer which was awesome. So much fun!Again I will not say too much or I will cry thinking about it all.

In this picture is me, Natalie, Josh, Amanda, Sharon, Nat and Brad (going round in a circle). They're currently rehearsing for a production of Sweeney Todd. Fun play! We didn;t do much of any interest to write down here, but it was all great fun. I got to put up shelves for Sharon with Brad. Turns out it takes alot more brain power than first expected - I love IKEA!!!! So much easier than anything else. Do not buy shleves from Walmart. They could fall on you at any point in time. I'm hping Sharon's are still up.

On Monday night I got another Greyhound to Knoxville, Tennessee to stay with Janelle, her boyfriend Joey and Janelle's parents who are all over right now after going to Janelle's gran's funeral this weekend.

All I can say is that I have eaten out/gotten takeout more in the past week than I usually do in a whole year. I think only one or two meals I have eaten in. Crazy bananas.

A trip to Maine

2007-08-12T01:05:00.000Z

On break (I was going to write the day but I actually have no clue what day it was) a whole load of us went to Maine. What's in Maine I hear you ask... well, not much... rumour has it moose populate the whole state but we saw none but signs warning us about them, and Camp Sebago which was the reason for my visit. It's a salvation army camp with a huge lake, whose staff usually come to us, but this year we went to them to play softball, football (as in soccer) and basket ball. High fives to the ladies basket ball team who WON!!! We also got to go swimming in their clear and giant lake (it was actually compared to a sea by Amanda - the lion in the picture below) which was lovely! We took 3 vans and a car over there to fit everyone in. It was good. Beautiful and not too hot, unlike Mass. right now. The best part of the day was actually the ride there though. So much fun. We played highway Frisbee which consisted of passing a CD from one van to the other while driving - highly dangerous, illegal and of course fun. What made it more fun was that the CD was one found in a Salvation Army van's CD player called Pantie Droppers. True story. We also drove by a van with two golf carts on its trailer that we decided to encircle, because we really wanted to bring our golf cart with us. So we did. We had Blue Falcon (my van driven by Marcus) on the left, Drew's car in front, Baby Beluga (Amanda's van) to the right and Spunky Red Robin (Ashley's van) behind the trailer. And that was it. We didn't do anything else to the driver and he probably had no idea what we were doing or why. But it was funny.
Before we left, we tried to steal the Camp Sebago camp sign but they caught us so we left it there.

None of the following photos have anything to do with any of the stories above, but I thought the site needed cheering up a little so here we go.

Tonight is our last Bible study. Sadness. Everything is our last this week. We had our last skit night last night. Bou. I'm glad in a way, but so sad this is almost over. I just don't want to get back to real life. As much as it bugs me sometimes I do kind of like being sheltered!

2007-08-10T17:58:00.000Z

I'm coming in to land, slowly but surely as camp comes to an end. I cannot believe I am already writing this. I feel like I've been at camp forever, because it's like this huge bubble outside of the real world and I'm so used to it and all these people being around, having best friends that I've only known for 7 weeks and having everything revolve around kids all the time. And now two of my best friends have left which leaves a hole in my life, but that's kind of filled with travel plans and all the stuff my life is usually filled with. I've had nightmares about work (as in the after school club) so I know I'm coming back to reality! Can I just say that life without a cell phone can be really complicated sometimes! Just wanted to say that. As great as it's been to be close to not having one for the past 2 months - I've maybe used it twice and sent a couple of texts, they definitely come in handy. Trying to communicate by email with people to book flights and busses is really pants. Really pants. Idon't feel like writing any more. I'm tired, I'm going to have an afternoon nap. Sounds good? Yes.

Stretching and dirty feet

2007-08-01T04:18:00.000Z

Two things about camp. First remark is that my feet have not been clean in 6 weeks. Even during a shower just after scrubbing them with soap. A sad reality I have come to accept.

Second I have to acknowledge the vast amount of stretching I have been through/am going through. It's crazy to think of the things I have done. I have been petrified on a weekly basis at least. I have soul responsibility for 7 animals, which means I am in charge of them not dying. I have failed once so far, not by my own fault though so I don't feel too bad. I was asked to give my testimony at staff church and accepted, so stood up in front of 50 people, most of whom I didn't know very well, I have lead camp songs at devotions, I have shared my faith (or snippets of it) on many occasions, I have had the scaryest conversation of my life and actually got words out of my mouth, gone on a lost camper search, slept in Harlem... you get the picture.

New York and DeeDee's Dream World

2007-07-26T20:54:00.000Z

Good afternoon! There is so much more to say than I could say in the time that is left before dinner, but I will try to cram some of it in. This weekend was long break. Normal breaks are from closing day lunch time to the following day's 8pm. Long break was from closing day lunch time to 3 days later's 8pm. So 10 of us - Shaina, Emma, Zoe, Pip, Nat, Kadimo, Josh, Janine, Carly and myself - packed our bags, got on a chicken bus (from Chinatown, Boston to Chinatown, New York for $15. Bargain) and headed to New York with Marcus and Louise who stayed with Marcus' folks. We stayed in Manhattan Citadel Salvation Army Corps for free, which was an amazing gift from God. We split into groups alot of the time but even still it was tough to keep everyone pleased with what we did. Regardless, we went up the Empire State building, saw the Chrysler(sp) building, ground zero, the statue of liberty (from afar), wall street, macy's, bloomingdales, madisson avenue, united nations building... and many more. My favorite was Times Square and Broadway. It was AMAZING!! Unfortunately I didn't get to see a broadway show (Brad, play and musical freak, was actually sadder for me than I was for myself...) but I enjoyed it all immensely. Highlights were sleeping 10 people in the flat, which was roomy enough for at least double that amount of people on the floor, eating at Hard Rock Cafe on Times Sq with Emma and Shaina, and trying to fight wind and rain in wall street. This break was much needed especially after a 9 day session instead of the normal 6 days, and the last 2 days were pretty intense. We had 3 caper searches - 2 in the water the day before last, when the campers had been miscounted and we thought one must be under the water. The call "All counsellors in the water" brings shivers to my spine, and on the last day we had a camper search that lasted around 3 hours, 45 minutes of which I spent walking around the woods with the rest of the program staff searching for this kid, after the call was made "All campers and staff to the shell to sing camp songs" Turns out we called the police and they found the camper about a mile down the road. He'd left camp. Needless to say he was sent home that night. Scary biscuits. Right after we were called back from the search, one of the staff fained and was unresponsive so taken to the hospital. This was just before dinner, and right after dinner another member of staff was sent to the hospital because she was hyperventilating and shaking for a rather long time and couldn't calm down. So yeah. Break was needed. Tonight's evening program I am involved in is called DeeDee's dream world. DeeDee loves chocolate... it all involves chocolate. Amazing. This program has been pushed back each week because of various things such as rain and camper issues. Brad (YBU leader) is actually ill today so I'm helping out more than I would normally, but we're going ahead with it. I'm assigned to YBU devotions in the mornings this week too so Shaggy and I lead songs to give Brad a rest before telling the story. Anyway, tonight will involve things like putting whipped cream on counsellors faces and campers having to stick as many marshmallows as possible on their faces, candy bar tag races, canteen breaks... how much fun will this be? And I'm not a counsellor so I won't get too messy. I'm 3/4 of the way through Harry Potter. I'm trying to finish it fast because Brad wants to discuss the inner workings of each situation in the book with me but can't yet. He's doing pretty well at not saying anything though. I have my hair in braids - Rachel needs practice and has decided my head of hair is a good one to use. Glad to be of assistance! Plans for after camp are slowly developping, thinking Tennessee to see Janelle and then over to California, wouhou! This coming break is one I have nothing planned for, I may just stay on camp and chill, cause the following one, most of the staff are heading up to a camp in Maine for the day for relaxation and ball games. I'm really looking forward to that. I was also offered (pretty much) a part time job working in a montessouri nursery in Morningside a few days ago. So that's a fantastic answer to prayer. For now I'm looking at working there mornings and at Little Foxes afternoons to give me a wage I could live off. This would start in October. So excited!

Camp songs.

2007-07-16T20:15:00.000Z

Here are a few of our camp songs. For kicks. I love them so much!! Funky Chicken Left, left, left right left... Let me see your Funky Chicken! (What's that you say?) I said let me see your Funky Chicken! (What's that you say?) I said let me see your Funky Chicken! (What's that you say?) I said oo; ah, ah, ah, oo; ah, ah, ah, oo; ah, ah, ah, oo; One more time! oo; ah, ah, ah, oo; ah, ah, ah, oo; ah, ah, ah, oo Back in line! Left, left, left right left Let me see your Crazy Surfer! Let me see your Totem pole! Let me see you sit down and be quiet! Bazooka Bubble Gum My mom gave me a penny. She said Go buy a henny. But I didn't buy no henny, Instead I bought some bubble gum BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLE GUM (X2) My mom gave me a nickel. She said go buy a pickle. But I didn't buy no pickle, Instead I bought some bubble gum BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLE GUM (X2) My mom gave me a quarter. She said go buy some water. But I didn't buy no water, Instead I bought some bubble gum BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLE GUM (X2) My mom gave me a dollar. She said go buy a collar. But I didn't buy no collar, Instead I bought some bubble gum BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLE GUM (X2) My mom gave me a five. She said go stay alive. But I didn't stay alive, Instead I choked on bubble gum BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLE GUM (X2) The Moose The moose The moose Swimming in the water The moose The moose Eating his supper Where did he go? He go to sleep. 2nd verse! louder than the first The moose the moose Swimming in the water The moose the moose Eating his supper Where did he go? He go to sleep. 3rd Verse sadder that the verse. Do in a wimpy voice. The moose The moose Floating in the water The moose The moose Not eating any supper Where did he go?! He decompose(Sound ok for this last verse.) Little Red Waggon You can’t ride in my little red wagon Cause the Front seats broken And the axle’s dragging CHUG!CHUG!...CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! SECOND VERSE, SAME AS THE FIRST A WHOLE LOT LOUDER AND A WHOLE LOT WORSE! Boom Chicka Boom I said a boom chicka boom (echo) I said a boom chicka boom (echo) I said a boom chicka Rocka chicka Rocka chicka boom (echo) Uh huh (echo) Oh yeah (echo) One more time (echo) ___________ style (echo) Different styles: Loud, Whisper, Southern, British, Astronaut, Housekeeping.