Get Married

For a while now I have been reading Candice Watters' (amongst others) articles on the Boundless webzine. At first, I thought she was a little extreme, but as time has gone by, my mind is changed and I agree with most of what she has to say in these articles. It is for this reason and this reason only that I decided to buy her new book Get Married: What Women Can Do To Help It Happen. Such a title would normally make me snicker, say something along the lines of "Dear oh dear" and move on to the next thing. For a while, that was my exact reaction. But after a few months of deliberation, I decided to buy it with some of the Amazon vouchers I was given for my birthday. And I think it was a good move. There are parts of the book that I am unsure about, and though most everything is back up by Bible verses and the context of these verses, I am not sure her interpretation of these verses is necessarily correct. But there are things that I do believe are true and were helpful to me. Which is why I have decided to share. Reading the introduction, two things jumped out at me. The first is something I've had a hunch about for a while. The culture we live in is anti-marriage. My friend Christine and I got to talking about this a few weeks back, and came to the conclusion that the Regency Period or Pre-industrial times would have been a good time that promoted marriage and none of this lovey-dovey you have to be head over heels in love with someone before you can marry them Hollywood Disney rubbish. But actually, since 1970, the marriage rate has declined by 50% and the proportion of American women ages 25-29 who have never married has quadrupled. So we only needed to go back 40 years... The emphasis has shifted from "Marriage equals adulthood" to "Marriage, nice if it happens" to "Marriage, one of many lifestyle options." And the second is something that I had not realised and which helps. Candice says, "There's a difference between making it happen and helping it happen." There is a difference between initiating and asking a guy to initiate. What I mean by this is that it is for example asking a guy out is different from asking a guy to consider making a relationship official and helping him realise that hanging out for ages and not doing anything about it is not gentlemanly and not honouring and respectful to the woman he is hanging out with. That is our role. To help. Obviously, give a guy a chance to initiate, but if he doesn't, helping him to initiate is biblical. That was helpful beyond belief. And I think it helps us help men to grow up, be less cowardly, and more manly. The first couple of chapters showed me that still nowadays, marriage is a worthwhile and holy pursuit. It is something that I am allowed to want. Just as some people have a career they dream about and aspire to, getting married and raising children is just as good a dream and aspiration. It is ok to want to be married. More than ok, it is good. It is not something to be ashamed of as I have been until now. There are many who promote this idea that if you desire marriage, it is an idol. But Colossians 3:4-5 says "When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry." A godly marriage is actually an antidote to most of these. Another issue is that of dishonouring messages about marriage. It is easy to despise something you can't get, even when it's what you want most of all. Nowhere in scripture or in the lives of heroic singles do we see a pattern of demeaning marriage to make singles feel better about their marital status. People will say things like, "It is better to be single and wish you were married than to be married and wish you were single." People who marry well and are committed to their marriages don't wish they were single again. And single people don't find consolation in married people wishing they were single. Most admit that marriage is still something they desire. Marriage has never been perfect, ripples of the fall have always affected it, as well as everything else in this life. And in spite of all I have said here, it is a sure thing that nothing will satisfy like the Lord Jesus. Yes, He chooses to sometimes give those blessings for which we desire. But, NOTHING NOTHING will satisfy and provide us with true joy except our Savior God. Not that perfect job, beautiful house, fancy car, close friendships, money....not even those children, not a husband, not a wife, not a fiancé, not a boyfriend/girlfriend, not a diploma, not a degree, not a perfect figure… you name it. But here's the exciting news! Get excited, because you have a God that can feel every deep longing of that precious heart of yours. In fact, He knows your heart so well, because He created you and He loves you. The book has much more to say about things like having a network of people to help in the process of finding a mate, what a godly marriage is and is not, pulling a Ruth and living like you're planning (ie intending) to marry. "Marriage is the proper reward for the real lover, and he is not mercenary for desiring it." - C.S Lewis.